The title is long but this won’t be. Frankly once I get passed my point on this there really isn’t much in the way of venom to spew or analysis to bring up. I want to talk to you about a subject I know will somehow become a target of hate emails, and unfollows, and unlikes, and unsubscribes, and I’m sure more than one or two long conversations about how it should not apply to the person on Facebook, that I will ultimately remind the person I don’t care.
I want to talk to you about why it seems like I’m going to have to date fewer black women.
Troll bait aside this is loaded as hell to talk about so let’s get to the explanation of that sentence above. As i discussed last week I’m an Ex-nerd. I don’t have as nerdy habits as I once did, and the label itself is misapplied. I have far transcended what I once was. But I have a very large attraction to Smart women. So much so that beyond just looking for intellect I look for women who like Doctor Who, and/or anime, and/or video games, and museums, and classical music, and Opera, and independent films, and films that aren’t easy to understand, who have or want to read intellectually stimulating books, as well as fantasy, and a lot of other stuff. While the last parts are relatively easy to get, the first 3 are very difficult. This has been made all the more difficult by my recent understanding of a trend in my online dating I strain to call alarming…alarming is too strong, let’s call it curious, weird, odd, wait I know the best word…quixotic(go look it up).
While talking to the ladies who helped with Ex Nerd, I didn’t really notice a full on trend, but there was an interesting line of thinking from the non law school ladies I contacted. When we got done talking Nerd stories, we briefly talked relationships. Most were currently single or casually dating. All of the ones who were single were ones who also tended to not have a lot of boyfriends who share my amount of melanin(look it up, dunderhead). But I didn’t really pay attention to that until I was on my two favorite online dating sites. I say favorite because they provide me with validation of my dating rules, a quick way to see if I want to slow down the grind for a nice night of cool adventures in KC, and from time to time, fuel for this blog and a great laugh.
Kind of a combination effect happened this time though. I got a laugh and some ragey fuel for this blog. While on one of the sites I ran across a profile in my matches. I wasn’t interested in the woman romantically, but the info she had up said to me that I would be giving a friendly message for some of our mutual interests. But near the bottom I saw the infamous phrase that I don’t know exactly why I react so strongly too(I do, but we’ll get to that later). “I only date white guys.” Now I will admit that the part of my brain that has 90 minute arguments about scandal, and picks fights with anyone who hates interracial relationships was incensed. But I told it to calm down with the tried and true, “you didn’t like this chick anyway.” And I kept it moving. 5 or 6 profiles later, I hit a woman I wanted to contact for amorous purposes. Slightly nerdy, very intelligent, detailed profile, bunch of Doctor Who references, Tech N9ne fan(^S^!). Buuuuttt, what was in the end of her dating profile? “And before you start messaging me, I don’t date black guys.” Needless to say I was from an objective standpoint pissed quote “the fuck” unquote off. But subjectively I was about to say next and keep it moving but the conversations with the ladies before popped up in my brain.
SO I did some mostly unscientific research. Taking POF, Chemistry, and Match, and for my control Geek2Geek(Yeah I took it there in the name of psuedo-science) I went on a look to see how often this applied to the demographic I was wanting to view. Since some of you haven’t caught on, the ex-nerds and these two profiles were black women(Address all hate mail to THE Ruthless Wonder @ email@example.com). So after approximately 57 unique profiles because some were on all 4, 45 had similar language to the effect of I don’t date black men or I only date white men. I call that odd. My boss calls it curious, because he believes odd is slanderous in this case. But we agree that it is an interesting thing. Logically that doesn’t make a ton of sense. If one is part of a sub culture why ostrasize part of that sub culture arbitrarily and capriciously for the one element of their lives that they have absolutely no control over? Isn’t that just having the same bigoted attitude that would look down on them for dating inter-racially?
We had a long car ride to talk about it and a bunch of off shoot conversations. But that brought me back to this odd topic for a blog. If you’re a black intellectual who considers themself a nerd or geek, and all of these women did, and you won’t date people who look like you, or only date one race of people, you’re just as bad as the black women who have, do, and will hate and email me for my enjoyment of dating more than just black women(You kiss one 5’10 blonde near one group of black women and everyone loses their minds…okay more like 3, and some red heads, and a couple Japanese girls, and Brazilian, and an awkward moment with a Filipino friend of a friend.). I might even feel comfortable enough in my position to say these women are worse than said black women haters of all things interracial. That is self hate, that is close minded, and for someone who is part of a sub culture, it isn’t logical, rational, or progressive to think that way. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea(but am I your shot of Whiskey), so I don’t mind them not being into me. But to assume every black guy who will contact you will be the same as the metaphorical, stereotypical version you made up in your head is just as racist as the non black women who’s profiles say No black guys, and start with something like “I’m not racist but…” Just the reality of the situation. And why I can see fewer black ex and current nerds/geeks on my list of women to enjoy amorous endeavors with. And should this continue, I can see my give a shit meter falling about it.
SO if you feel like I’m talking about you. And yeah I probably am, feel free to present your side, feel free to send your hate emails, and feel free to make another facebook status where you try to stealthily not name me but talk about everything I said in some stupid attempt to keep your friends from reading. Newsflash, they may be telling you okay I won’t read, but they are the ones who have become our super fans. I’d say more but clearly…Words Don’t Do It Justice.