Our 5th Anniversary
You may have noticed I was not in for last week. We aren’t doing the old number quite yet so I’m certain that far fewer of you know how this usually works. The week of the anniversary for Words Don’t Do It Justice I go away. Usually for planning, but also because life tends to get in the way and I write the post ahead of time to get ready for the day of. This year was a bit different. March 4th was a weekend. And I told you no more weekends. So I took off to make sure I didn’t stress myself over the idea of what yesterday meant. And it turned out well. All week in one way or another I saw life telling me the lesson I needed to learn. People who have no idea what has been going on with me, or with this place unknowingly giving me great advice. And, as often does happen, the day of utmost importance made sure to hold to this theme. Sunday night as I sat, well, more laid, sick with another of my usual episodes, and watched double toasted talk Oscars live I watched Jordan Peele win his Oscar for original screenplay. And in his speech he said he stopped writing Get Out 20 times. That people around him gave him the energy to finish. And now here he was with statue in hand, all of Hollywood watching and congratulating him. After a week of everyone from God himself to podcasters I listen to telling me it was time to go back to what I laid to the side, this was the perfection of metaphysical motivation.
What are dreams?
Some folks know the actual story of why I celebrate March 4th as the actual start of Words Don’t Do It Justice, despite the first piece coming days later. Most people, however, only know the public story. When the idea began it was supposed to be 3 guys splitting up topics and bringing our ideas to you the public in our own way. If you haven’t noticed already I can be given to bouts of hyper logic on the order of normal human’s insanity(That means I drive some people crazy by being so logical that they hate the cold nature of it.). And I tend to stay in my lane of topics. When it began I was only going to cover politics, business, and general social commentary, and my friends, they had everything else. That didn’t happen. Time, life, and well a bunch of things just kept them out at first, and even as I coaxed them in for things here and there, Words Don’t Do It Justice became a me centered location. But that wasn’t the dream.
The dream, for me, was really long accomplished by the time you started reading this place. No matter when you came here. I was alive. I was in the last few months of law school. I was making my Mother proud of me for what felt like the first time, even though she would say I’d done that many times over. I was weeks away from my planned stunt last man on the stage walk for graduation, and there was nothing that would stop me other than dying right then and there. And perhaps for no time more in my life until then, I had no desire for it, and wasn’t thinking about it. Hell, I was so in a good place I was going on dates and plotting out what to do next with my life. Blogging was just going to be a fun thing on the side. An “Oh yeah I run this blog too.” thing to say when asked what you do because “Attorney” was first. It wasn’t the dream, because I was living the dream.
The dream, like all dreams was now real. It had been long deferred. Long denied. But what I didn’t know. What I couldn’t possibly know, was that when you accomplish the dream you will face something much more taxing. The life afterwards. Forgetting that I can get extremely unfocused and generally no longer care about myself for a minute, I don’t have personal life dreams. Never have, and probably never will. I just don’t care about my personal life outside of talking to friends when I have the energy and getting in the experiences I decide I want. So yes, if I’m still blogging 20 years from now I doubt you’ll hear about the “love of my life” and “my beautiful brave child,” among what I suspect will be stories of my crazy existence that refuses to be “normal” to other people. That doesn’t mean those things can’t happen. It means I’m not striving for them. HUGE difference.
So with no personal life dreams, I am faced with the prospect of what to do next with my personal life. We’re out of dreams here fam, I’m just doing the stuff I like. And to some, those are dreams. To me, just another cool idea. What are dreams then? For me dreams are the grander idea of the direction for your life. Dreams are the goals far outside your reach that you must evolve to grasp. I dreamed of becoming an attorney as a kid when I was unable to become one. I knew there was school and life to live to get there. I dreamed of becoming healthy enough to not need medication to fight depression anymore because I was constantly fighting the desire to walk away from life. I knew I would have to fight, and find new outlets and resources to get there. And I did those things. Dreams accomplished. So I am left with the tortuous question of “Now What?” What of the empire of dreams I wished to build? What of the people who have written for WDDIJ? What about all the people I’ve met, helped, helped me, love, loved, changed, know, and influenced? All those questions came crashing in as they do before the anniversary every year. And I answered them. but I didn’t like the answer at first.
And so the new hour continues…
I haven’t watched brilliant idiots in a while. Some things, which I’ll talk about in a future piece put me off about the podcast so I was out. But I came back to hear about how CTG felt about the Mo’Nique interview. And at the end he talked about his own journey to where he is now. How he evolved. Before that I was listening to a good friend talk about his favorite pieces from the old version of this place. And of course, I see my big homie Erron out in LA doing his thing. My big brother Chris doing better and better since his transplant. One of my favorite youtubers Zeus Campbell living the good life. And As I mentioned, I saw the Oscars through the lens of Double Toasted. What do they all have in common? All had moments where things didn’t turn out like they wanted, but they reinvented, and they resurrected, and they are stronger than before. To be so sick that I ate half a bowl of soup and went back to bed for the day, Sunday, our anniversary, THE anniversary, was the day everyone in spirit spoke to me. No one but me around, and nothing to think on but my own choices and place in life, and instead my universe spoke out. Only it wasn’t Don’t give up. It was there is more to the dream than you thought. Keep working. It was, as it often is for me, and how I came back here, “Now is the work of your next resurrection.”
And so the new hour continues. I haven’t delved into my usual subjects lately for a reason. I want you readers, old and new, few and many, to get into the side of my mind that is given to philosophical thought over my analytical nature. Mostly because this side of me is more approachable according to other people, but also so I’m not trapped in the singular appearance that was so taxing before. This new hour of ours is also a new hour for me. That means going back to things I put down. That means admitting I quit them and bringing them back. I picked up screenplays and put down short stories, and poetry. I quit. I picked up the law, and put down everything from learning instruments to politics. I quit. I once wrote a post here about stories I quit and ideas I quit. I have a ton of life experiences that I quit other ones to get. And I am finally comfortable admitting that I quit.
But you know how this story goes now don’t you? You’ve known from the beginning if you’ve come back from reading us before. My greatest hobby. So instead of a celebration. Instead of lauding our new numbers. And instead of telling you about plans. I continue the new hour with a different resurrection. The resurrection of dreaming. And the evolution of those dreams. I used to love the idea of the line “May I never be complete.” Great line. But if I wish to evolve, and I must, I must dream of completion. I must dream of it like I dreamed to live and become an attorney. Because I am not other people. So what in this new era of WDDIJ does this mean for you? It means variety. It means no rules. Though eventually a schedule. And it means you may see a lot things here I said would never be here. It means new collaborators and old. OH and Before you ask, NO, I meant what I said. I will not be collaborating with the admitted sexual predator. It means new content, and examining the old. Are you ready?
Words STILL Don’t Do It Justice
But I will not ignore who and how we got here. Only a fool disregards their history. And so, 5 years, multiple evolutions, multiple revolutions, from 3 Rs to many, and down to 2. This is THE Reign of THE Ruthless. And as she tells you, “Do More, Require Better.” I’ll let her speak of that tomorrow. For now, what dreams may come is an apt title for this. Because this is an empire, albeit a small one for now, of Dreams. Mine and yours. The father of one of my friends told me in our heyday that I should remember I never know who’s watching. He was a huge fan and I had no idea. I couldn’t tell you if he still is or not. But his dream for me was the same as the wife of another. And the sister of another. That I could make something great from this. And then in the face of being alone here I quit. Whether they have returned or not, I want them and you to know I quit, but I have returned. I’m back. And so for you who lift us up. For you who share us, and read us, and support us, WE are back. And I have sights to show you. I have SUCH SIGHTS TO SHOW YOU! (Points if you get the reference) But despite writing this long post. And despite telling you everything I’ve told you so far this isn’t the half. I could tell you more but well… Words Don’t Do It Justice.
~Matthew Elisha Williams
“THE Ruthless Wonder, Not a ruthless wonder”