Really? Another Ruthless On Relationships?
I know, I know, by the end of this I will have done 2 straight relationship posts and I said I wouldn’t go so heavy into them. 2 times is not a habit or routine practice people, calm it down. Besides I’m going to give a few people hope today…while shyte-ing on a segment of the population at the same time, but did you really expect otherwise from me? So let’s get right in to it. “I hate good girls.”
And I love bad girls like a fat kid loves cake…okay not really
Now there is a reason for this and I’m going to detail it, but for those of you who didn’t write me off based on that statement I want this to sink in. I am a professional, 31 year old, black, man living near the Kansas and Missouri Border in the very heart of the midwest in a major city and I hate good girls. Now don’t try to parse that statement, if you want to use good women it still applies. I’m not using girl as a denigration of the modern female, or as misogynist terminology to make the notion that women are less than me. It isn’t some reference to young girls in a pedophilic sense(As some know I have more than a thing for older women). I hate good girls/women.
Now that we’ve turned off the low intellect readers let’s get to the explanation. Because as you already knew, there is one. My dating history and my relationship history is a horror show at points. Pre-2006 revolution there is a stoic sarcastic deeply intellectual guy who let every woman who he was in a relationship with bash at his public persona in private. He looks insanely submissive by comparison. Pre-2000 high school it is so much worse I call it the darkest time. While I was and still am, very dominate in public, privately I was so unsure of myself that I clearly looked like prey for psychologically dangerous women, and they nearly ate young not-yet Ruthless Wonder alive.
But this is not really about the past versions of me. I’ve dated more good girls than bad girls until about 2007 and the far more the opposite since then. Why? Well for the same reason I hate good girls, perception and treatment. Since 06 I really have embraced the Ruthlessness I long tried to hold down. It wasn’t that I haven’t always been this way, it was that I was denying I was this way for everyone else’s benefit. And while often that made me seem cold and detached, it was better than to be thought that than a ruthless arrogant prick with a superiority complex…or so I thought. The last 2 good girls I have dated were great women. I would, if I were not this me writing this right now, attempt to date them again. The most recent more than the one before, but I think even she knows that. I find myself saying the same about them both though. The thing that is the core of my issues with good girls. You cannot accept me.
Here’s what I mean. Both of these women were for the time we dated cool with the majority of me. Public persona at 11 private at 5 or 6, hey let’s actually watch this cool movie on my set up(this deal only applies to movie one ladies, if there is a second…all bets are off). They were okay with some of my quirky nerdy habits. Neither one watched any anime with me, but they weren’t ridiculing me for watching it and I thank them. They could deal with knowing I’m a writer beyond my political and law interests so I may be in the middle of a poem or story and get all odd. But each one had some thing they just couldn’t roll with. Hell, one straight said that we couldn’t get more serious if I couldn’t turn down, well…THIS. Being RW(though this was before I had the name) was her issue. I wasn’t a horrible person according to her because she could see how I was when it was just me and her, but outside that was a problem.
My response(In my head cause I’m not stupid)? Meh. When things ended with each, and not too long after this point was the end basically both times. I left those situations each time thinking I had become a bad guy. That I was in serious need of change because I was a horrible person. Doubt was everywhere. But each time I found myself in what anyone would call a bad idea rebound type of relationship or 4. Since I’ve come home to KC and truly enjoyed single life for the last year and a half I’ve had time to really look back at things though, and noticed something. While the bad for me girls usually ended up in really short things, or never getting super serious, or cataclysmically bad ends(I’ll save those stories for another time), until that happened they worked. For them I was the good guy. They valued everything differently. And it isn’t like I went from fellow law students, professors, and doctors to strippers, waitresses, and instagram models. Just if you knew both women you’d call one the good girl, and one clearly the bad girl.
And so I have grown a hate for the “good girl” not the women themselves, but the attitude and style of the good girl. Because while I am Ruthless as I wanna be, I’m a Gent. I’m a black overweight James Bond…wait that’s too far. I’m just…an acquired taste, yeah I like that better. And so the bad idea relationships seem to be perfect for the time they happen. the bad girl calling me her good guy is probably the best relief from the stress of the day. But it is because they aren’t looking for everything wrong with me(which I admit there is a lot), and instead looking for what’s right. I’m not saying that every guy needs to head out and find some bad idea starting point in a bar, club, facebook group, or vacation and start his search for a girlfriend there. I’m saying for me, well as much as I want to date, get serious with, and maybe one day allow myself to be complete(Sorry Tyler Durden) with a good girl who doesn’t have the issues that basically each bad girl did, the good girls are just not an option. I’m too bad for them, but not too good for their counterparts. So I’ll just keep pulling out chairs, opening doors, and respectfully treating bad girls right. Of course maybe one will go good and I can stop looking, but maybe the opposite will happen as well. For now Wale said it best, “The bad girls ain’t no good, and the good girls ain’t no fun.”