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RSI 101 – Black Love: Part 1

Black Kids Cheek KissThis is probably going to be a really long piece for a lot of reasons. I want to talk about love, about relationships, about being black in relationships (aka Black Love)… and further, after having done a recording wherein I barely touched on everything I want to say tells me that this needs to be a 2, maybe even 3 part discussion.  I have a feeling that some of my readers/listeners are going to feel alienated because much of this is going to be Black People specific, but remember, its Black history month, I’m Black, and as far as I’m concerned, some conversations are just to important to be PC about. Which reminds me…

About this Black history month thing: It shouldn’t be thing… more specifically, it shouldn’t have to be a thing. Black history, as we in the US commemorate it, is American history. It should be a part of the history curriculum. It should be included in English, Literature, and Reading lessons because we have there are Black American writers. Slavery and racism should as be openly and HONESTLY discussed as the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln. Little Black girls ad boys shouldn’t be relegated to only learning about people who look like them during the shortest month of the year. It shouldn’t be that Blackness is only open for discussion in 30 second video clips before commercials. February shouldn’t be the only month people are encouraged to cram all of their/our appreciation of Blackness into. Just like people should be aware of breast cancer and heart disease all year, so should Black people, and our experience.

V Day ChocolateSimilarly, Valentine’s Day shouldn’t have to be a thing. We shouldn’t need a specific day to remember to show appreciation to our significant others. Further, the media should be ashamed of themselves for suggesting that men need to spend exorbitant amounts of money and women simply need to supply the sex to show appreciation for our significant others. Unfortunately, if it wasn’t for Valentine’s day, many wouldn’t get to know they were appreciated until something bad happened in the relationship…. because who really remembers Anniversaries anyway? Many married men would have to wait for God knows how long for their wives to remember that lingerie can be more enticing than comfy pajamas, or that men deserve to feel special too.

Now let’s combine this and get to what I really want to talk about: Relationships. Black Love & HappinessNow, if you’ve been reading me since the beginning, you’ll know that I don’t like giving romantic relationship advice… I will, but I don’t generally like to. This time I’m going this because there are people on my feed and in my family who have thoughts ad questions, that I think deserve a attention. First, history and upbringing… as they relate to Black Americans. Up front, I think it bears mentioning that a lot of what I am making Black people specific, is actually universal, thus, if you’re not Black, and reading this, you might still be able to relate.

All the messages we receive put us at odd with one another. As men and women, regardless of sexual orientation, romantic relationships are painted in hard and violent colors. There’s a battle for dominance; a question about who wears the pants in the relationship, that just makes things difficult.

Time to dig deep…

Back in the day, marriage was a form of ownership. Women, having no rights of their own, or value other than their ability to bear children and tend to the house were basically sold into servitude by their fathers to their husbands, or their husband’s family (depending on the age). Is it really any wonder that since the day women started working outside the home (because parenting and housekeeping is work) that a functional dynamic of relationships has been difficult to maintain? I’ll go deeper. Black women in You Don't Deserve HerAmerica have always worked outside the home. Whether it was raising the master’s children, picking the cotton, cooking, cleaning… slaving in general was work. And then they had to go to wherever the slaves slept, and work more for their own families. Although white women were undervalued in their homes, they could at least count on the protection of the men in their lives. Black women could not; Black women had to bear the brunt of all of the abuse, the rape, the indignity, knowing that no one would be coming to save her… not her father, brothers, or even her husband.  Her mother or sister might be able to offer herself up to the master to offer a reprieve, but it wouldn’t be man, at least not if he valued his life… not if he didn’t want to risk being sold to another plantation. Throughout history, women have had to do the parenting thing alone. Men were off hunting, fighting wars, and forging frontiers. Even when they were around, they were mainly there for sex and food. They gave women more work to do. I’m not trying to diminish the value of having a man in the home, I’m simply saying that not having a man at the home isn’t a new thing either. The value of male-female companionship didn’t actually come into play until much later.

Now, I can already hear some of you saying “That was then, this is now Reign… time to move on Reign.” But see, if you look at where we are in relationships now, where we have to be specific about “Black Love”–as if love isn’t complicated enough–especially with the women’s movement having given rise to messages that tell men that we, women, don’t need them, I want you to really understand
where that comes from. So where am I going with this?  Simple: women don’t need men… LOL… Okay, no, that isn’t where I was Storm Black Panther Kissgoing, but  had to say it. Because we don’t need men the way we needed them back then. Like all women, we need companionship. We need partnership. We need bed warmers. We need someone to be special to. Yes, we need you. The feminist movement, while I still consider myself a proud feminist, got that message wrong, or at least incomplete. More specifically, as a Black woman, I have to speak directly to the need for Black men. The complaint about Black women being too hard, too independent, too masculine… if you look at the history, you’d understand that we didn’t have a choice, and that being penalized for it is an injustice that is still prevalent in Black relationships today. Not just as companions–straying from the romantic element of relationships for this–but as partners in the struggle. When we are agonizing about #BlackLivesMatter, the people who understand through experience are Black men. The man you are least likely to have to explain why and how racism is still a problem for you personally, even if you never stepped foot in the hood, is a Black man. When being a “strong black woman” was in style and it got mixed in with the feminist movement, the message got twisted, everything fell apart, and the idea of Black love became a novelty. It became more about devaluing men and their role in our lives, and less about empowering women. Suddenly, “taking care of home” was a weak woman’s job; a white woman’s job. The rhetoric about men being unnecessary, more specifically how Black men “ain’t shit” became more important than strong families. I’ll ask this: What’s the point of being a strong Black woman if all you let yourself see are weak men?

At the same time, men were hearing all those messages too; and the message was loud and clear. So why are we surprised when they
fell back on their role as men? Why shouldn’t they have switched to only focusing on what they need us for? If we don’t need them to do the right thing, why should they? What’s their incentive? They’re told they aren’t necessary, but they’re still expected to pay for the dates, pay the bills, be physically present in their children’s lives–technically a new requirement–and sometimes the lives of children that aren’t theirs, be emotionally and financially stable, be able to fix stuff around the house, be educated, committed, and faithful… and in return, they might be able to look forward to sex. Where’s the equality in that? Where is the love in that? Since we’re out working, they can’t expect a cooked meal when they get home. They can’t expect well raised, respectful children who understand the value in patience and perseverance over the acquisition of things and instant gratification. They can’t expect anything because like the song says, “we run this.

I’m the kind of feminist who actually believes in equality, only with a realistic twist… Love Never Failsbecause we aren’t equal; not in all things. There are some things that should be exclusive to men, just like there are some things that are exclusive to women. Allowing this dynamic to break down; allowing the incomplete messages to corrupt the fundamentals is one major component to why relationships, specifically relationships between Black people, has become so difficult. Unlike most other racial groups, there’s a lot more to Black love than just love… and I have a lot more to say about it…

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I know that was long (especially on top of all this)… and I have even more to say about it. So come back next week for Black Love, Part 2.

In the mean time, Do More, Require Better.

Weddings, Reunions, Dental vists, and SHAKE UPS!

So you may have noticed someone has been missing a lot lately. You may have even noticed when he goes missing he doesn’t always explain why. Well…yeah no real explanation, sorry for that.

 

In other news I have been gone meeting old friends, getting massive dental work, and being best man in a wedding. Shout out to Superfans Chris and Ania Moncrief(aka Superman and Lois Lane) who celebrated their love in the classiest of weddings this past weekend.

 

You crashed both the wrong and the right wedding.

You crashed both the wrong and the right wedding.

But that Shakeup word is here again for good reason. 

 

Things are about to get interesting. Not only has WDDIJ been dealing with the …well Hilarious nature of advertising negotiations, but as you may have noticed we’ve lost a few authors. These things are not points to worry over. Trust me. In fact, the very way you view WDDIJ is about to change for the better.

 

In a short explanation, we’re doing an overhaul.

Why?

Because at 5500 views, we are little less than halfway to the year two viewership goal, and its only been 3 months.

In short, I’ve been short sighted.

 

To remedy that, I had to get to work.

And believe you me, the work is paying off.

Launching this fall is our interview series “Imperial Dreams”

Launching sooner rather than later this summer is a new format to the website

And Look for some shake ups in the staff as well.

Nothing drastic folks, but we want you to have a great experience.

And we want you to come to us for more of your daily content.

SO we need to be a place you want to come to.

And since I’ve been slacking on that. It is time to pick up the pace.

Of course I could tell you so much more, but as you know…

WORDS DON’T DO IT JUSTICE!

– THE Ruthless Wonder

White Knights, Rejection, and Internet Movements

THE Ruthless Wonder on a Thursday? …Yep

And before we get into it. Rest In Peace to Maya Angelou. There are tons of poets I know who grew up loving her work. She was one of the early impacts on my writing style, and I know very few women who didn’t at some point quote Phenomenal Woman like it was scripture.

So you’re probably watching that thinking I’m going to make some point. I’m not. Just check out her videos. Seriously. Especially if you’re even slightly geeky.

 

Now let’s get into things.

I get odd writer’s block from time to time. I can’t work on …say, a poem I’ve been crafting for a while, but I can work on say a script I’ve left sitting for a few months, or a short story series I need to get back to(don’t judge me). And then there are times like right now. I have a poem, 2 scripts, 3 short stories, and a novel project all wanting me to work on them, but they haven’t exactly cloned me to do them all at once. If you noticed I didn’t mention blogging, you’re keener than I thought. Yeah blogging comes easily or it doesn’t. Honestly it doesn’t take more than about a half hour to write the piece, and about 20 minutes to edit. But if I’m not in the head space to write it can be laborious.

Most times it’s because the topic I’m talking about isn’t necessarily the one I want to. Why don’t I blog more about what I want to? Because honestly, most times the topic isn’t interesting enough for a blog. To take you behind the curtain for a moment there is a lot to be said for the fact that my topics usually start as something I want to talk about in conversation. And then it develops. For instance, I have a friend who is one of WDDIJ’s superfans, she’s been reading for basically the entire time we’ve been a blog. I would love to talk to her about the fitness culture she belongs to. I rather obviously don’t have a fit form, and most assuredly haven’t gone near crossfit, but its a great conversation to talk about in a blog post. Hopefully, she’ll grace us with a piece, so I won’t have to.

Today’s topic I don’t want to talk about, but not for the usual reasons. I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want more attention given to the person involved. And most of the planet has hopefully formed an opinion. But just briefly I want to talk about a collateral issue I haven’t seen addressed. The person is Elliot Oliver Robertson Rodger. And the issue I want to talk about is

The effect of white knight rejection.

Whiteknights

Now to a degree I understand the plight of the white knight. In their minds they are defending whatever group from what they perceive as an attempt to bully them. And as a guy who from time to time is the Usurper and not the Emperor, I can get with the idea of the outnumbered or outgunned needing some help. But what happens when the ulterior motive of a Super Villain like myself can’t happen? Well I have to go regroup and come up with a new plan. It is something folks like myself learn very early. Essentially a momentary loss is not permanent unless you let it become one. But I want you to pay attention to the words below.

“My orchestration of the Day of Retribution is my attempt to do everything, in my power, to destroy everything I cannot have… I will kill them all and make them suffer, just as they have made me suffer, It is only fair.”

Those are some of Roger’s chilling words in his manifesto. These are not the words of a stable mind to be sure, but his retribution, and the concept of fairness in it is something we often hear…from those staunch defenders. that what you are doing isn’t fair, or what you said isn’t fair, or that in spite of the kind of person you are in public or private, you getting more attention is not fair. When they are being a good person. When they should be the object of (insert group or gender identity[usually women] here)’s attention and affection. That the kind of person who makes the kinds of comments they disagree with shouldn’t be rewarded by the group. That what the group wants and what it says it wants aren’t the same because the group isn’t into the speaker.

Most of the world can recognize, have dealt with, have said something in that last paragraph. And on the average, while you look a little silly as a white knight in an internet conversation, especially to Super Villains like myself, most white knights don’t heavily internalize enough to go crazy. So why did this asshole? The answer is uncomfortable. He was never all there to begin with. Mental illness doesn’t usually just appear at his age. But that isn’t what I’m blaming here. In my opinion the gunner lost his marbles, because he was already an entitled twit going into his adolescence. With the access he had to successful hollywood, the relative notoriety of his parents, and the environment the kid grew up in, he had that loathsome of syndromes “Self-important Syndrome” You’ve met these people, they believe there is something intrinsically important about them because they are linked to someone else who is for some reason important.

You take that, then you add his tendency to white knight, and his support of the incels on PUAhate(You may recall Wrath of Ruthless co-host Ronin identifying them as having grown some influence in the MGTOW movement as well), and of course a healthy dose of clearly unhealthy expectations about what he brings to the table, and what is needed to get into a serious relationship much less sleep with a woman. Then give him the money and lack of affect to stop caring about the social contract of civilization and you get what happened.

Again this isn’t to say I hate white knights. I think in any conversation(get ready to get mad), they are a necessity. It lets things have a perspective most folks don’t account for. And from time to time, when someone is being actually abusive, the white knight usually helps put a stop to things. But this is at best a dangerous dalliance. A tricky and tenuous alliance. And here I think it does us all a disservice to place all blame on white knights for this twat, or to let them off the hookup entirely. When anyone gets rejected it sucks. I agree wholeheartedly. Even your favorite Super Villain has had been rejected and *gasp* had a few heart breaks over time. But where I basically take it as part of life, this guy, most incels, and what I can only call an alarming amount of MGTOWs see it as some vast female conspiracy. And the most dangerous thing you can do is give a crazy person a platform. And in the end this is white knight rejection at its most disturbing point.

Now you can’t say we didn’t address it, and make the 314 Publishing and Words Don’t Do It Justice position clear…at least from my end. So no more about this cowardly fucker please. I mean I could say so much more about all this but… Words Don’t Do It Justice.

– THE Ruthless Wonder

Shared because after all that you need some good music to remember life is good.

The Wrath of Ruthless: Love your haters

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And here it is. Episode 2 with yours truly THE Ruthless Wonder not A Ruthless Wonder, and my co host this month was none other than The Ronin. Its always dangerous to hear me talk, but add in an original member of the 3 Rs? Well take a listen. As always we have it in the media player, here on this page, and of course available for download.

WoR Ep2<- right click to download

Notes From Your Favorite Super Villain: You are not a unique snowflake…and neither is your kid.

You...ARE NOT SPECIAL!

You…ARE NOT SPECIAL!

I normally don’t break from my planned post. Today’s post was going to be a lead in to next week’s WDDIJ podcast and some reaction to the feedback from my first Wrath of Ruthless podcast. Instead I’m going to address something that I predict now will end with Your Favorite Super Villain receiving hate emails from parents starting with “You don’t know anything because you don’t have kids.” To those people who are sending them, you suck at parenting, because I real parent would understand everything I’m about to say. So let’s get into it.

Your kid is a bully because you suck at parenting.

This all started because in my office we were talking about bullying, cyber bullying and general bully culture. And that’s when I went on a bit of a tirade about the creation of a bully. The reality is kids do not become bullies apropos of nothing. And the modern bully first culture is a development of the same problems exacerbated by technological advancement. Children have no responsibility. And in modern civilization(We’ll talk society vs. Civilization another day), we have decided that permissiveness is better than the mere possibility of stifling potential. The pendulum has swung far in the opposite direction of previous generations. Kids used to rebel because their parents would not allow certain activities. Now they don’t rebel they demand. More tech, better clothes, specialized diets, and the like used to be just general complaints of any kid, now they are the teenaged(and much younger) rallying cry.

But permissiveness has become telling kids over and over how special they are. The belief that if you just tell your kid they are awesome enough times that their self esteem and personal drive will lead them to dizzying heights of achievements among their peer group and the world at large. But this is so wrong it is almost criminal. You are not teaching them to socialize, you are teaching them that they are above reproach, and because children have no concept of social cues or responsibility they bring this mentality along when with other children. But lets go a bit deeper, because this isn’t the only piece.

When you participate in the glorification and then destruction of everything from celebrities to political figures to athletes you teach your children who have no other frame of reference that this is not to be done to each other that it is okay. Let’s use Tiger Woods cause he’s easy to understand. When you take vocal shots at Tiger and his actions you often aren’t explaining that your problem is his infidelity, not his performance prior to it. SO to a kid who hasn’t had the years of understanding the nuanced relationship between personal and professional lives, it seems like it is okay to take on someone who has achieved some separation between themselves and the rest of society. Essentially, that you can be justified in tearing down anyone. And that the higher their profile the more okay it is.

Well what do you think a kid is going to do when they see someone else has an achievement? What about when their peer group clearly sees the other kid has gotten separation between themselves and your kid and the rest? Exactly. You’ve just built a bully. And it doesn’t matter whether the kid is a physical take your lunch money bully, or an internet troll, or one of those annoying 12 year olds who plays online and doesn’t understand how offensive screaming they are going to rape your mom, calling you a faggot, or calling you a nigger really is.

But the inverse is also true. Because a well adjusted kid can both avoid bullying, and avoid being a bully themselves. But that requires you to stop believing you are a special unique snowflake as well. That requires you to know more than just the basics about your child’s school and general socialization environment. That requires you stop being entitled, and annoying, and generally unaware that you are building the kind of monster even we of the Super Villain community dislike. You who do nothing when your 4 year old is being an annoying brat in line…well EVERYWHERE, when they are kicking the seat in front of them on the plane. When they won’t shut up because you brought them to a rated R movie at 9pm on a Friday(I choose to believe God has a special punishment for every single one of you people). And any excuse you have will be met with…then don’t bring your kid there, or do that at another time, or you made the choice so do your DAMN JOB. Yes I just blamed the last 2 decades of internet trolls and bullies on you parents. And do you know why? Because if an adult is being an asshole and gets into a fight over it, it is their fault. BUT, if they’ve always been offending folks for the sake of offense, and now use the internet’s anonymity for it? Well that’s a nurture problem. And that is your fault. Tyler Durden was right, you are not a unique snowflake. You’re an idiot and should never have been allowed to breed in the first place. Since you have, fix your problem, or stop burdening the rest of us.

– THE Ruthless Wonder aka “Lex Luthor”

The Wrath of Ruthless: Birth of an Empire!

Matador

The editing issues are over and I can finally say that the personal show of Words Don’t Do It Justice’s THE Ruthless Wonder not A Ruthless Wonder is ready for your consumption. For the inaugural show The Ruthless Wonder was joined by WDDIJ R Revolution member Reign for 3 topics. It’s a 2 hour show, but we’ve also provided links to the first and second half of the show. This time he’s taking on the Gods of Egypt film controversy, as well as 2 other topics. Listen and enjoy via download or via the WDDIJ media player.

The FULL Episode :

WoR Episode 1 part 1:

WoR Episode 1 part 2:

Politics & You: Men’s Rights

There are always at least two sides to every story, and the Women’s Rights Movement is no different. Today, we’re going to discuss how the Women’s Rights Movement has trampled upon men and their rights in relationships. At this point, I think it’s necessary for me to specifically say that this is my opinion based on observations and interactions with people from many cultural backgrounds. Further, I also must specifically state that I want to hear and read your thoughts on this subject because I am not closed to different perspectives that might change my perspective. That said…

The rift between men and women hasn’t ever been this wide. With books like “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” and “Think like a man, Act like a Lady,” it’s no wonder our ability to communicate with each other as equals hasn’t improved. The overall strength of relationships’ foundations has been on a steady decline. It would be unfair to completely blame the movement, because there are several factors that have made a marked difference in how we relate to each other as a species. Social media is a recent phenomenon; how about we look at how things changed the first time a woman went to college for an education as opposed to increasing her chances of finding a husband with status. Let’s not discount the fact that while the roles may seem to have changed, the perception of women who have chosen to deviate from them, and even further, that we are still being taught that a woman is defined by her relationship status, and a man is defined by his lack thereof.

The fact that even the enlightened man is left in precarious situations trying to defend against the bitter war cries of women scorned while maintaining his own feministic ideals. What’s a man to do when a lady friend is constantly putting herself in situations that will end in her emotional suffering or tarnished reputation? Should he say something and risk being characterized as just another “man” pushing antiquated double standards? Does he hold his tongue and watch her as she falls into yet another tangled web that he might have been able to pull her away from? What about our slowly dying breed of gentlemen who can’t even open a door or pull out a chair for a lady without getting an indignant look accompanied by an extreme eye-roll? Is there really something wrong with having respect for the woman he’s with or wanting to be chivalrous? People, especially women, complain about chivalry being dead, but can barely accept a compliment without mounting a soap box and spouting unrelated foolishness about her strength and independence. What happened to balance and wanting to be equal partners? Why does it have to be an “all-or-nothing” kind of thing?

Did I lose you? Ok, let’s try a redirect…

I don’t think it’s necessarily fair that a woman gets to decide to keep a baby, specifically knowing that the guy she’s having it with doesn’t want kids, and he’s still expected to pay for it. Of course there are exceptions and such, but it always troubles me that as women, we have the final say in many matters and men are not only expected to go along with it, but they are also expected to financially support the child they were clear about not wanting.

Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking, so I’ll elaborate.

First, I’m only talking about people who are in some semblance of a relationship. Assuming that you actually have conversations, a conversation about should have been had long before it was an actual issue. Naturally, something needs to be said about people being open, honest, and up front with their significant others. If you’re one of those who feels the need to lie about your opinion, goals, wants, dreams, interests, or aspirations because you think doing so will help you get into whichever position you’re trying to get into, you’re already in the wrong, and clearly don’t have the emotional maturity to enter into a relationship in the first place.

So we can start here. A man or woman who insists on having the relationship future or the “dreams, goals, aspirations” conversation is often painted as the crazy stalker type:

“How dare they check for common intent! We haven’t even had sex yet and you’re already trying to trap me. They must be crazy!”

During the conversation they both agreed that their relationship was in the development stages and thus they were in no position to even consider bringing children into the world, or that their collective financial and living situations would not allow for a prosperous future if children were brought into the mix before some arbitrary milestone signifying future relationship bliss. After this exchange, the relationship moves forward, and sex happens. Three months later, she tells him she’s pregnant and that she’s keeping the baby. Our social construct dictates that he is not allowed to protest or make any suggestions to the contrary: her body, her choice. His being anything less than a happily supportive expectant daddy would make him one of those guys. Once the baby arrives, if he is anything less than an ever present figure in both the baby and its mother’s life would again, make him one of those guys.

Ok… let’s start over: A man or woman who insists on having the relationship future or the “dreams, goals, aspirations” conversation is often painted as the crazy stalker type:

“Wow, I might really care about this person. Let me start this out productively…”

During the conversation they both agreed that their “relationship” was in the development stages but that neither of them were fortune tellers and that they would focus on the positive and cross bridges as they came to them together. After this exchange, the “relationship” moves forward, and sex happens. Three months later, she tells him she’s pregnant. He’s instantly excited and begins to prepare himself mentally, physically, and fiscally for fatherhood. Two weeks later, she tells him that she decided she wasn’t ready for motherhood and didn’t think their relationship was solid enough to bring a child into the mix. He is crushed, but being the supportive enlightened man that he is, he remains silent on the matter: her body, her choice.

These two examples—however contextually extreme—happen all the time. Women get the final say in the most crucial matters and men are expected to deal silently. Where is the fair? I am a feminist. I believe in equal rights. I believe in compromise and communication as the foundation of diplomacy. I believe that if a woman feels bold enough to raise her hand to a man, she should be ready accept the consequences, even though I hope he has the developed the strength of will to walk away or restrain her in a nonviolent fashion. I believe in balance, free choice, free will, and free speech. If only people could understand that these freedoms are not “only available while supplies last.” These freedoms are ideals, and as such, there is more than enough freedom to go around, as there is a never ending supply of them. We neither need, nor is it beneficial to either gender to hoard and ration freedoms like water during a draught.

Alrighty then! Your assignment—should you choose to accept it—is to share a story that sheds light on this issue from your perspective. How have Men’s Rights been impacted by the Women’s Rights Movement? What do you think about point of view? How do you think we can improve the man/woman dynamic such that we are encouraging growth in a positive direction without further diminishing the importance of both men and women to the overall health of our communities?

Let’s dive deep.