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The Letter Series: Dear Allies

I am not an Ally. I am an asshole. Over the years, I’ve come to embrace that last statement. Alternatively, I never would have thought I’d be able to make that first statement knowing what it implies. In times like these, I’m reminded of the secret societies and why they were originally created: because the ideas held by their constituents were often taboo, unpopular, and unwelcome in polite society. Secret societies were like safe places for the world’s best, brightest, most innovative thinkers. I think its time for a new one. Assholes like me need a Secret Society where the determination to think for ourselves is accepted. Those of us who will not be shepherded like complacent lambs to social media approved slaughter need a safe place.

I Ally, therefore I judgeI am not an Ally. Not because I hate people who aren’t like me, but because being an ally seems to mean doing away with reason, abandoning unity, and betraying my purpose in favor of acceptance by my peers.

My Facebook feed is cluttered with posts and videos explaining a new level of trans-phobia that doesn’t make logical sense. I’m drowning in people acting surprised that the Cheeto in Chief is a racist. There is so much wrong with all of this… I am losing my will to even. The world has gone from straight trippin’ to cliff diving in what seems like over night. I’ll elaborate.


You Might Be Trans-phobic if…

I’ve never been accused of being homophobic… that’s in spite of my life long strict exclusion of women just because they’re women. So excuse my confusion when the trans people and Allies on my FB are explaining that refusing to engage in sexual activity with a trans person just because they’re trans is trans-phobic.

Apparently, one can reject another for several reasons, but if one rejects a trans person, they’re trans-phobic. Should I assume that a homosexual man rejecting a trans-man will be labeled trans-phobic too? Or does that only apply to heterosexual, gender normative people? Is it acceptable if I decide to only date trans-men because they were born women and can understand some of my womanly struggle first hand AND now have the man parts I prefer? Would I then be considered hetero-phobic? Wouldn’t I also be fetishizing? And I guess all the gay men I’ve met who found girly parts “gross” were hetero-phobic?

Like, seriously, did you people think this through or are you just reacting to a performer’s choice to not kiss a trans-woman with as much vitriol as is publicly required for you keep your Ally title? If you want someone to sugar coat your bullshit for you, you’re reading in the wrong place.  I am sick and tired of watching you so-called allies destroy the progress that has been made for the entire LGBTQ* community with your extreme attempts at looking like good people instead of actually being good people.

Let me be clear: If the man opted out of kissing ANY woman, CIS or otherwise, that is within his right. Those are his lips. That is his body. He doesn’t have to make physical contact with anyone for any reason if he doesn’t want to. DA FUK You Mean he has to KISS another human being he isn’t comfortable with?!? Not shake hands or hold conversation with, but exchange bodily fluids with? Because we haven’t been arguing for a child’s right to not be forced into unwanted physical affection? Have you lost your liberal mind? Are you trying to make us all look like sexual assaulters?

You Might Live in a Shit Hole If…

So what if Agent Orange is racist? People are so caught up on what he said that they forgot the reason why he said it: he’s changing laws in a way that mirrors his point of view. I don’t care if you’re a racist. You don’t get to let your personal feelings impede my ability to live my life.

Shit hole definition

Haiti is a shit hole. Damn near every year for the last 10 years, Haiti’s been hit by one natural disaster after another.  Africa, the cradle of civilization, is still one of the richest continents on the planet, in terms of natural resources, culture, and its people. However, too many of the nations in Africa are also shit holes. Why? Not because they’re full of brown people and Muslims the way Genghis Can’t wants us to believe. The colonizers and occupiers of those nations have raped and pillaged the lands, corrupted the people and their governments, stolen their children, and infected their daughters with AIDS. Is it any wonder that they are plagued with political turmoil, genocide, actual pirates on ships, kidnapping, sex trafficking, and disease? Every effort to stabilize most of the nations on Trumpleforeskin’s so-called “shit list” has been met with even more destabilization.

Once again, let’s be clear: I Am Not Agreeing with Darth Hater. I’m simply offering some much needed perspective. Every animal on this planet knows that when the resources are scarce or conditions unsafe, it’s time to go. Trees go into hibernation in the winter to conserve life for when the natural resources it needs to survive aren’t scarce. The shit that has been allowed to happen to the people of nations like El Salvador, Haiti,  Honduras, Nigeria, Rwanda, and Venezuela has made life shitty as fuck for them. This is exactly why we should be letting the innocent people of those nations escape their lot. Hondurans and Haitians are struggling to sustain the life within their artificially constructed, man-made borders. DA FUK You Mean “… why can’t we let more people from countries like Norway in…?” Norwegians don’t need to come here. They’re good.


You allies wanted to march in your pink pussy hats, but 53% of you put your pussies up for grabs when it really counted.  The allyAlly Pin pin was good in theory. Unfortunately, quietly wearing a pin won’t do a damn thing to save the life of an unarmed Black man if you’re also quietly convinced he’d have survived if he wasn’t wearing a hoodie. You can’t be an ally while demonizing everyone who doesn’t belong to today’s marginalized group du jour. We will not accomplish anything if we jump off the deep end of every issue without considering the whole picture. Extremism is not how this works, but y’all are acting like it’s the gospel.

You disappoint me, and I think we need some time apart.

~ ~ ~ . . . ~ ~ ~

Dear Allies:
This a parachute. Use it. You have collectively jumped off a cliff and I am officially cutting the rope. I will not let you take me with you. I have not spent the better part of my conscious life fighting, marching, and protesting for the rights of all people to live as they see fit to sit back and watch you set 20 years of social progress on fire.

If being an ally means requiring everyone to think and believe as you do, I am not on board with that. This is me refusing to get mad just because everyone else is. Also, if it requires living someone else’s lie for their comfort, and living uncomfortably myself, I am not here for that. If I have to move out of the house of tolerance so you and your ilk can burn it down, so be it.

Here’s the thing, I know who I am, and I know what I’m fighting for. I haven’t lost sight of my goal. I’m not giving up on what I believe is right. I don’t need to swim in the cesspool you’re creating to #DoMoreRequireBetter. As a matter of fact, think of this letter as me Requiring Better of you.

Take this parachute and find your way to a safe landing. You’re jumping off a very high cliff, and I’d rather avert my eyes than go down this cliff with you.

Watching you self-destruct,

It’s Been A Long Time… I Shouldn’a Left You…

I promise, I only left because… because… let me do this right. 

I’d love to say that I left because our Ruthless Leader decided to take a different path, but that would be a lie; I was mostly MIA quite a while before that happened. Y’all know I’m not much for lies, duplicity, or feigning optimism, so I’m going to apologize in advance if I shatter any false ideas you’ve cultivated over the years. The simple version is that I was pulling my life together. Unfortunately, the simple version never quite does it for me, so here we go:

I was busy being depressed. I couldn’t keep telling you to “Do More. Require Better.” when I barely wanted to do anything at all. I’ve been open about my depression, specifically because of what I believe to be my 50 percent, but I haven’t been open about how useless and ineffective the proverbial voices in my head tell me my writing is. I recognize that maybe once upon a time I had a legitimate following  before I started slipping. I also understand, or believe, that in all things, there must be balance. My depression makes it so I can’t see how anything I do means anything. Regardless of my efforts, there will still be pain, suffering, malice, disease, famine, poverty, discord, racism, sexism, and all other forms of unpleasantness. I was left asking “What is any of this for?” The only logical answer I could find: “Naught.”

So what’s a Reign O’Change to do?  I certainly couldn’t keep writing things I no longer believed. There was no Change on the horizon. I was incapable of believing that Justice would actually prevail. Thus, I stopped. It really wasn’t a conscious decision. I kept thinking, “I’ll come back to this one…” or “this issue doesn’t need my voice…” and “Do I really want be one more person blogging about Donamir Trutin’s ineptitude?” Lots of things to write about, but no drive to lend my energy to what seemed like yet another unwinnable battle.

So why are we here today? We’re here because I lost a friend. He’s still very much alive. He’s just not invited to the table anymore. Now, let me be clear: this young man literally came to the cookout. He brought deviled eggs and they were delicious. He tried to teach me how to play HALO. I promoted his craft as a Tattoo Artist. I defended him in public forum against an overzealous supervisor. So when I tell you “I lost a friend.” I mean I lost someone who I thought would be a permanent resident in the complex place that is my heart. How? It all started because of this story I shared on Facebook.

Truth be told, I didn’t even read the article. I figured the least I could do was continue conversing about things Requiring conversation. It’s yet another example of Hollywood deciding that Brown people are better represented by artificially tanned white people.  #RepresentationMatters is a battle cry for those of us who remain unseen and misrepresented by the media. How was I supposed to know it would devolve into “a friend” accusing me of hating white people. If anyone had told me that he would conclude that I was one step away from being a terrorist, I’d have laughed them to scorn. We had Jon Snowed our way through our friendship: we knew nothing about each other.

In my anger, I wrote this entire post, and in doing so, I realized that I needed to come back. That should’ve been–and might still end up being–an addition to The Letter Series. It could’ve been a head-first dive into Decorum Deficiency Disorder. I would’ve gotten so many more hits and shares if only I hadn’t forgotten the purpose of my mission.

#DoMoreRequireBetter is about me doing my #50percent more often and better. So, here’s how this is going to work: I’m back. I’m not mincing words, holding hands, faking the funk, or coddling Anyone. I won’t promise to be here every week, but I’ll be here with all the passion and vigor I can muster… because the conversations still need to be had. We will #RESIST and continue #NotBackingDown because the Cheeto in Chief has earned my wrath. In short: I’m here to Do More & Require Better.