Short-ish guy problems

Yup. Going here.
Yup. Going here.

Oddly enough I have no problem discussing the majority of the issues I’ve found being in this odd 5’9 spot. What do I mean? Well being 5’9 means you just aren’t tall. No stretch of imagination, standing on your tip toes, or putting in massive shoe lifts will make you tall. But it doesn’t exactly render me truly short. You know, short enough to be the brash short guy short? Like Napoleon and Joe Pesci? Good let’s move on. So the worst part about my version of limbo is that depending on the group I might otherwise disappear if I wasn’t 290 pounds and between milk chocolate brown and dark chocolate brown depending on the time of year and weather. And that can be an annoying prospect. One altogether different from short and tall problems(Sidenote: If you’re wondering if this is why I don’t normally date women super close to my height ding ding you’ve won…nothing). Currently post bar exam I find this to be annoying because it relates to an old preference of mine. But we’ll pick up on RW and the tall women in a moment.

My point right now is that being in this oddity zone which I’d call 5’8″ to 5’11” you don’t really have anything tailored to you. Example? Dress shirts. Most dress shirts suck for me. Either they aren’t long enough and were made for the 5’7 and shorter big guys. Or they are way too long, having been crafted for the 6’0″  and up crowd. Ask any guy if its annoying when there is too much shirt material in his dress pants and most will not have thought about it…unless they are also in limbo like me. Same with all pants really. And I’m told as I continue this weight loss journey, it doesn’t get easier. See one of the fun bits about buying clothes is I know if I go to the big and tall, I will find something. It may suck and not be worth buying by me, but something there will be exactly in my size. But in my size does not mean fit properly. The correct size pair of shorts will either be too long because they assume I’m a tall guy. Or they will be dangerously too short. My limbs are fairly proportional, so shorts can look almost Capri length if not carefully researched. Ask a guy in limbo and let him tell you the horrors of shopping for summer clothes without trying them on. I know what you’re thinking though, clothes can get tailored what are the other issues?

Movement honestly. I’m too short to just step over stuff like tall guys or not care how far down the fall is. Frankly its annoying. Will this jump from the boat feel like smacking against 20 tons of steel or seem to take eternity? Who knows. And every leap, jump, slide, and duck are all the same. Gamble on this one, take a chance with that one. The clock is tick tocking anyway. And there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it at all. But let’s get back to that topic I had you put a pin in earlier. Because I didn’t get enough hate emails last week. I like women significantly taller or obviously shorter than me…because they make me feel less odd.

What do you mean odd man? When you’re used to being just out of the sight line of a person because of your height it can become quite annoying for any amorous pursuits to be putting you through the same thing. And just like the hybrid nature of my height, I have a mix of tall and short guy preferences. There are few pleasures in life like walking into a room with a 6’2″ or taller woman who’s focus is you, no matter what her ethnic classification is. Its like a perpetual ego boost. And yet I have this thing where a woman shorter than me can walk by and I am struck with the need to know her name and have unnecessarily long conversation with her. The weird bit? I’d prefer both in heels. Crazy as that sounds to you I’m sure.

Why though? Why all this oddity? Why all this limbo? Why so serious? Well no reason in particular, I just felt like musing on some of my more mundane everyday weirdness while I fill in for Rufus. He’ll be back soon. But his internet is acting funny and of course I’m more than willing to drop a post of a less angry nature while he’s away. See you on the actual day I post. For now go buy a shortish guy a beer, introduce him to a tall, or short woman, and remember the annoyances he deals with every day but you don’t because…Words Don’t Do It Justice!

– THE  Ruthless Wonder

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