Ruthless On Relationships: Don’t Say You Love Me
So the first time I go into dealing with relationships I get a pretty good bit of inspiration from the situations around me. This may be the most annoying slash bullshit final goodbye anyone has ever given someone I know. “This isn’t going to work out, but I do love you.” Right away my first comment back to him about it was “That may be the most fucked up lie I’ve heard.” When I pulled it back in a bit because I could see he wasn’t ready for my ruthless approach I tried to hold in my laughter. It wasn’t that I thought his girlfriend packing it in and breaking up with him was funny, I just thought her particular statement was insanely stupid and entirely meant to confuse, bewildered, and generally fuck with my friend.
The long and short of it is, if you love someone you are in a relationship with, unless they’re being abusive or otherwise being toxic, you don’t of your own choice break up with them. This isn’t a situation where he was hitting her, cheating on her, or being emotionally problematic. Outside of a couple closer friends he’s probably the only guy I can say isn’t hiding some serious skeletons. Not a goodie two shoes in the slightest, but when you’re being problems are smoking, working a bunch, video games, and being so forgetful with dates and times that you have multiple calendars, alerts, and reminders, I’m not exactly going to say you’re a super villain like me.
So how do you console a guy like this? How do you get him back on the horse? Well strip clubs and dollar bills aren’t a bad option. But who does that on a Tuesday that isn’t a degenerate? I did the next best thing, drinks, old stories, and a hookah. So with all of that done you’d think he’s fine right? Not at all. The thing about telling someone you love them. The thing about any heavy relationship statement that comes after someone’s emotions is you can’t just shrug it off. We say things for a reason. Even if you don’t mean something you say it for a specific purpose. And that is doubly true when talk about or to the person you’re dating.
I love you followed by or preceded by a statement about something that seems contrary is always going to put you in a place of confusion and pain. Simply because your brain is always going to say “Don’t say you love me if you’re going to say (insert statement here).” Basically why tell someone you have an emotional attachment to them if your actions or indeed other statements are going to be so contrary. Now this leads me to the other thing I want to talk about with this first ROR column. The illusion of action.
Along with “don’t say you love me” should be “don’t say you want _____” and “don’t say you like ____” and “don’t say you want to do_____” we make all kinds of promises in love. Promises about the relationship and promises about ourselves. To draw from an issue currently annoying to me, this comes up a lot in my online interactions. I find myself thinking don’t say you want something fun and casual when you really mean you want something exclusive with a guy where you only casually hook up with him. The same goes for saying you want to go somewhere new or different. If you then aren’t doing those things, you really are just lying to keep things nice.
Saying what you mean is important, but saying what you feel requires a bit more care. We all want something out of relationships or else we wouldn’t get in them. And the way we say reckless bits about the things we want in our relationships is just down right deplorable. It adds a lot of stress to the end of a relationship, and can potentially sabotage new ones. But hey, that’s what I think. I want to know what you think. This post came out a lot calmer than I planned so let me know if you like me like this, or if you need a bit more rage. Look out for our new authors over the next few weeks, and of course I’d tell you more, but…Words Don’t Do it Justice!