Today was supposed to have a different post appearing, but said guest blogger went MIA so I’m burning up the backlog with a blog post that didn’t get out before end of the hour. This is part 2 of a 3 parter that will hopefully pick up when I get back. Remember I love hate emails and love love emails, so send both to firstname.lastname@example.org I do read them, and they are great for after bar prep relaxation.
both versions cause I know someone will get salty about this later anyway.
Meet me at the Altar in your white dress.
We ain’t gettin no younger we might as well do it right? NOT A CHANCE! I liked a couple Jagged Edge tracks like everyone else did in the early aughts and late 90’s. But let’s have a frank, non emotional marriage discussion please. Well…most not emotional. Looking at this particular song(JE’s Let’s Get Married aka Meet me at the altar for the non-R&B folks other there), and something that was asked in a secret meeting earlier in the week, I wanted to take a shot at the noble institution of marriage. Cause who better to catch this Ruthless fade after ducks and dolts? See I’m saying this right now. Marriage for most of you is pointless. You don’t really want it. You don’t need it. An if you are one of my fellow Black Unicorns, bruh this can go bad for you way more often than it might go good. But because a true black unicorn knows this already, let’s start with logic and reason to back up such an insanely cogent exclamation.
Marriage as we currently use it, is absolutely unnecessary.
Now we just shed like 45% of the angry women readers who survived my insults in the first part so everyone can move in closer. Marriage as modern civilization has used it since the fall of the roman empire equates to inheritance insurance. Based on the presumption that a couple will only have children from the two of them and that they need the most legitimate claim to the wealth of their parents, marriage assured families that their relative history, custom, practices, property, and status would remain intact through the passing of one or both parents(because some societies were and are matriarchal not patriarchal). The concept of romantic love and exclusive companionship during these times is mostly the product of revisionist romanticism of these periods. Contrary to what you get to learn in middle and high school, the dark ages through to basically America’s founding, were filled with even more sex and debauchery than you think. And certainly a lot more than got into your history books(thank God and the Muslims for library systems or I wouldn’t know otherwise). Among nobility, having a bastard was a political ploy as well as a military one.
They could become knights, spies, emissaries, and the like without the constraints of bearing the same name, which meant while they had a truly f’d relationship with dear old dad they had the mobility of nobility but the ability of the common man. Now? How many people do you know who honest to goodness have never cheated in a relationship? Never broken up? Exactly. Now how many of their kids have a private army ready to wage war to properly control their inherited lands? None? Yeah exactly. If you had a kid with someone before you meet the person you stay with it is kind of a so what now. Why? Because even the barbarians of Europe evolved into higher thinking creatures enough that no modern western society restricts inheritance or the right to marry to only single males. While you may love your 50k wedding, there isn’t a succession war coming among your children if you die. Trust me.
It isn’t practical either.
Now all the women reading probably feel some type of way, and their S.I.M.P. supporters as well. But put down your torches and quit burning my blogging jersey for a second. This section is dedicated to the guys, I’ll catch you ladies down the way a bit. Fellas this is not practical for one reason. You have a presumption based on your gender than the woman can use like a billy club of sexism to take everything you have. What am I talking about? Well I’m glad you asked. If she cheats, and gets pregnant, it is assumed you are the father, if she claims any kind of abuse, you are assumed to have done it, if she claims you have deviant sexual desires which she was offended by, it is assumed you are an do. You get married, you better be damn sure you both are actually in love, know each other’s pasts, are faithful to each other, and aren’t secretly about to slip into psychopathy, otherwise…THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. Prenuptial agreements can cover a lot, but you still run the risk of it getting invalidated because “She must not turn crazy and start suspecting I’m smanging her boss’ secretary” is not really grounds for divorce. But also because if you love her, if you really are committed to her, why all the parading it around? Because it is part of convincing you and her this is a good idea. But there are governmental and financial benefits to marriage so let’s get to our last section.
You don’t need marriage to get married benefits.
Now obviously I’m not talking about the specifically worded documents that we call laws, statutes, and the like which enumerate certain benefits for married people. Or am I? Look folks the fact is that you can name whoever the heck you want to benefit from your life insurance policy, you can set up your partner, companion, Houzabadilitywhompous, and whatever other stupid pet name(And yes they are all stupid, especially the ones I’ve ever heard from everyone, including my exes, and out of my own mouth) you give them as your heir, make medical directives that they handle your care, and a billion other entirely legal, non-wedding required things.
But do it anyway you crazy kids cause I don’t care
This really should be obvious based on the fact that I’ve already told you how little I care about what other people do. But made even more obvious by the businesses I own, hobbies I’ve told you about, and industry I want to practice in. You will get married and it won’t work out, and call me when you want to get rid of your oaf of a husband/harpy of a wife. And I’ll make money…well if I took family law cases I would(lol not if I can help it). The long and short is you are only screwing yourself over if you get hitched and don’t actually have someone you want to make it work even in the hypothetically bad nightmare scenarios that can, will, and have happened to couples. Most of you will marry the wrong person the first time, a few less the second, some will have the ending love affairs that Hollywood makes millions off of in movies. Either way you prove me right. Yes that is the point. I just trashed ye olde institution of marriage to say everyone should get to do it, most of modern society shouldn’t do, and I’m right. How is this any different from most of my articles? Well I’d explain that but…Words Don’t Do It Justice.