Green Grass and Bright Lights – Lucrémo Episode 4: You can’t predict the future.

Jan. 9, 2014

So I got a call today from my agent. Apparently you wonderful people have been blowing his phone up and calling Exeter when we aren’t playing to make sure they don’t sell me. I love it. Really I do. And this season is going to keep being magical I promise. But trust in the owners, trust in the managers, Trust in the Fraternal Order or Fly Fellas to keep pushing harder and harder to get you the big wins. And don’t worry about the potential moves now or in the summer.

I wanted to make a fan’s wish come true for a second. Her mom sent me an email and said it would mean the world to her if I said her name in my video because January 10th is her birthday. Well I decided to put this out a day early just to make sure she can see it. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGIE! What you and your mom don’t know though is I talked to the team, and they agreed to give you tickets to our next FA Cup match with Chelsea on February 1st. And so you can bring friends you’ll have 10 tickets!

One more surprise though.”

“Happy Birthday to you…”

“Happy Birthday tooooo yoooouuuuu…”

“Happy Birthday Dear Maggggiiieeee…”


We’ve got Reading coming up on the 15th Exeter, so we hope to see you there loud and proud. Peace Love and Lucrémo! 


Jan. 16, 2014

Alright gents, that first leg against Reading was good, and the last match against Oxford for the J Paint Trophy was stellar as well. But they are going to be paying a lot of attention this time. You have to expect to get the best punch. Everyone is watching, and Reading are hoping that they can get to you by reminding you that we have the end of the transfer market right before a match with Mourinho and “Cheatsea” Those are over a week away. TODAY guys. Today, we have a team we’ve beaten once in the first leg, I want you to go out and play smart. Look for the outside to in passing lines, play them rough and rugged. We shocked their subs and reserves. Now we’re getting the starting 11. And you can beat them. You’ve proven all year that you aren’t just some 5 a side club with some extra friends in on the weekends. Let’s do it again!

“What about Coles and Oakley sir?

They are going to be available in emergencies only. Same for you, I don’t want you pushing too hard and getting injured. If we have a late lead of more than 2 I’m pulling you for Parkin. And don’t give me any of that shit about not wanting him to spell you. It’s for your own good. You’re still growing.

Yes sir.

Now lads, Let’s GO!


3pm Friday January 31st, 2014

“Man we should get a bigger place.”

“I know what you mean, this is a great flat, but we should like get a house or something. You know really go big. I’ve saved up some money.”

“Yeah I think we all have. The bonuses these last 3 games have been huge. 5 goals against Watford between us, 3 the first time against Reading, all yours of course Julian, and then what 4 on Oxford and 5 more on Reading?”

“Yeah. We can get just about anything with that.”

“Let’s go look tomorrow though.”

“Yeah if we find something too big maybe we’ll talk any last-minute additions into joining us.”

“Oh yeah the window shuts tonight right? Can’t imagine they do something now since they haven’t all month.

You never know man, I mean 2 weeks ago who would have thought that Man U deal for Juan Mata would happen?


“Anyway let’s focus on Chelsea tomorrow.”

Let’s focus on a good meal. I’ll do the pasta.

I’ve got the veggies

So I’m on protein duty I take it?


Okay let’s do it.


Man that was great. 

 I know right?

We need more of that cheese though Matt.

I’ll call my uncle and have him get some when he comes up from Spain tomorrow.

He coming for the big match?



Terrence man what’s wrong? You look shocked from that phone call.

They just sold Shinji to Manchester City for 50 million dollars.


That’s what Reid and the other guys are saying. 

This is going to suck for tomorrow.

Well let’s get everything cleaned up and chill out. Everybody keep their phones on.


So who all do we know for sure now?

Miguel Angel Cancela García

Cedric Migiedi Mpembele 

Kim Yong Hwan

and Jack Butland

So those guys in and just Shinji out?

Yeah I guess it was a money thing.

I’m worried.

Why? They sold Shinji probably to be able to pay for the 3 of us going forward.

Or because he was demanding out behind the scenes.


So, if he was demanding out, and they’ve brought in 3 guys. Who’s to say they aren’t planning to sell one of us?

That’s crazy. The whole town watches your youtube. There is no point in doing that.

He’s right though. If this was a push and not a plan by the team any of us could be out. Everyone’s seen all 3 of us improve.

So we need a backup plan.


Okay what are the three teams we can all agree we are okay with joining and playing on together later if we get sold separately?


You realize Exeter bought me from there right?

Yeah I thought you might like to go back.

…or nah.

Okay where’s your pick?

hmmm somewhere that’s going to be fun, warm and has a name people could respect. How about Inter?

Okay, I like that. Inter is on the list.

Then its your turn bro.

Manchester United, not even a second thought.


Because they’ve been shit this year if we go there we would have a good shot at beating who they have in our spots, and we could be the boys who bring a Champs League title back to the Reds. 

Good point. Manchester United is on the list.

So Matt who’s it going to be? I mean we know it isn’t going to be B.

Barcelona. We should all go take over at Barcelona.

Are you still pissed that they signed Neymar and didn’t give you a deal?

Not really. Well about the Neymar part. The American Assassin comes home sounds good to me. And making them overpay to do it would be nice revenge for the shit treatment. Neymar cost 77 million dollars. I’m going to cost 100.

So it is settled what the list is. 

What order?

Well Inter probably has the least money but is the most fun location.

The best way to do it is like the big three on the Miami Heat did. So whoever gets to one of the 3 first, the other two come there.

We need a time limit. This could take forever otherwise.

Okay. 3 years if we aren’t at one of the 3 clubs in 3 years then we all go to the club we decide is first on the list.


So what’s first?

Barca. Best weather, close to the fun of Inter, and has money and prestige like Man U.

You realize if we do this we can’t tell anyone.


Sounds like we have a plan.




That’s the text alert. oh shit the team.

Okay now your face looks shocked.

I’m out.

Where are you going at 9pm the night before a game.

Nowhere. Its where I am going in the morning.

The pitch?

They just sold me.

So say no.

No Terrence, don’t say that. If they sold him then they didn’t respect us as a team. They didn’t appreciate what we were doing. And they didn’t see the value in the 3 of us. Why stay in a place like that? Who’d they sell you to?

Werder Bremen, I’m going back to Germany, as the enemy of my old team.

How much is the wage offer?

15k a week.

Take it.

But what about you guys?

We have a plan remember?

Yeah but what if you are still here tomorrow?

Then we’ll go kick Cheatsea’s ass for you and hand in transfer requests.

You mean it?

Hell yeah man. This isn’t right.

Let’s help you pack.

And then you guys go to bed. I want a win tomorrow popping up on my phone while I fly there for the announcement.


7am Exeter Airport

There he goes.

Yeah man it still doesn’t feel real.

I hear you bro, I hear you.

So what’s the plan now?

We find a roommate, we still move, and take absolutely no prisioners the rest of the season. We make ourselves too hyped to stay.and from there we keep with the plan.

You really think the plan will work?

Unless we get career ending injuries yeah.

So who could we move in with?

Well Jamie Reid is probably going to take Julian’s spot, so why not him? same age as you, and his lease is up soon I think.

Might even be up now, He was crashing with Keohane and O’Flynn

That must have been a nightmare for him.

Yeah so after the match we’ll talk to him.

Feb 15, 2014

Hey folks, I hope you like the new diggs. New place, new roommate, and new news…? I guess? So the Fraternal order of Fly Fellas got a new member recently. We moved out of the flat we were in and now have a house with our buddy Jaime Reid who’s been moved up to starting 11. Say hey man. Wave or something. haha it is going to take a bit to get him into our antics.

Anyway, you probably heard during our thrashing of Chelsea that Julian was sent to Werder Bremen. We’re all happy for him. It sucks for us at the house, but otherwise we love that he is being seen for the awesome player he is. 4 million for Lil Green is nothing to sneeze at. Jamie doesn’t have a nickname yet but give us time. And of course Shinji is gone as well now. 

But did you see this guy? 6 goals on Petr Cech! 6! Did you get a blood transfusion from Pele and Messi or something? Seriously people this guy is amazing!

Super T is leaving out the 2 more he tacked on. A humbler spokesman cannot be found. And of course I now am fully aware of how good Gareth Bale actually is in person after we nearly lost that US friendly against Wales. We needed that last goal, I’m just glad Julian is with me on the national team so he can lob in a cross like that to set me up. This summer. We aren’t coming to try to be okay. They keep calling it the group of death. Not for Uncle Sam’s army. I’ve got a true bold prediction. The World Cup final this year is going to have red white and blue flags on both sides. Netherlands v. USA. So you’ll get to see The Dutch Destroyer Terrence Kongolo versus The American Assassin for the greatest prize in sports. And whoever loses will be forced to wear a jersey dress and tiara with the pics posted on instagram so I know you’ll be paying attention. Next up is the League Capital One Cup Final with Liverpool. Cheer LOUD and be Proud Exeter. Peace Love and LUCRÉMO!

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