Well, like most sports officials sometimes I am no where to be found when you are looking for someone to make the call. But unlike other so-called Refs; I penalize myself appropriately. So, having served my Delay of Life penalty I can proudly say I’m back. Great timing to be back too, because of course there is one question on everyone’s mind:
(Please ignore the fact that Hank Jr. is a complete ass hat, but his voice is really the only one I hear when I ask that question in my mind).
So… Are you ready for some football? Well to fucking bad cause it is only pre-season and we all no these games don’t really mean anything. That having been said the NFL can still grab plenty of headlines; even in its off-season. So here now is a quick rundown of what the Ref noticed this off-season:
1. Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, and Jim Irsay
Yes I am going to lump all of these idiots together, because that is what they all are… complete idiots! I will leave it for either other awesome writers to touch on the social issues surrounding how the NFL has handled these individuals (or maybe just another article of mine down the road). Quickly, in case you have somehow been trapped in another dimension, I’ll cover the details. Ray Rice, the all-pro running back for the Baltimore Ravens, had a video leaked by good ol’ TMZ of him (Ray Rice) dragging his completely unconscious fiancee from a hotel elevator. Apparently there is footage, that no one else but prosecutors or the NFL have seen, of an altercation between Rice and his lady while they were in the elevator. Rice has since publicly apologized; he and his fiancee actually GOT married; and the NFL suspended Rice for TWO games (largely, according to the NFL statements, because this was Rice’s first incident dealing with the NFL’s personal conduct policy). So… Personal Foul – Roughing Your Future Wife Unconscious, 2 game suspension.
Meanwhile, Josh Gordon (all-pro wide receiver for the Cleveland Browns), had his third run in with the NFL’s substance abuse policy. He got caught with marijuana, AGAIN (keep in mind this has been a recurring theme for this young man). Gordon is currently suspended the entire season, pending an appeal. So… Personal Foul – Illegal Motion Of Toking In The Off-Season, Year long suspension. ANYONE ELSE NOTICING A PROBLEM!?!?!
Oh, and then there is Jim Irsay, who is the current ACTIVE owner of the Indianapolis Colts. He was arrested this off-season with $29,000 in cash on his person, and a fuck ton of prescription medications (that were NOT prescribed to him). As of the writing of this article Irsay has not been suspended in any way (this in the same calendar year that the NBA banned Donald Sterling for life for making racist comments in a private conversation). So… Personal Foul – Shady Dealings In The Backfield, NO SUSPENSION! Once again I ask if anyone sees a problem here.
I do not care whether you believe it is because the first two are black and Irsay is white, the first two were players and Irsay is an owner, OR you somehow honestly to God believe these punishments are all the proper actions taken by the NFL at this time. There needs to be some discussion surrounding these situations, and I will save that for either our other awesome writers, or an article for another day.
2. Andy Dalton Got PAID!!!!!
In what universe do people get paid hundreds of millions of dollars to be average? The answer is OURS apparently (and I am clearly in the wrong line of work). Every single statistic you can possibly bust out in support of Andy Dalton can be crushed with three other stats that all lead to the same inevitable conclusion… Andy Dalton is currently, at best, a very average starting quarterback in the NFL! So, if he is so average how come he just signed a contract extension for $115 MILLION… I honestly to God have no answer for you (if you have an answer feel free to share it in the comments and enlighten us all). The only possible defense I have of this contract are two things: First, the actual structure of the deal seems to keep the guaranteed money Dalton gets at a fairly low number. Second, NO contract in the NFL is fully guaranteed (i.e. if the Cincinnati Bengals get sick of Dalton under-performing they can simply cut him from the roster). But seriously, $11 mil a year to a guy that can’t win a playoff game is silly no matter how you slice it.
3. Apparently The Name “Redskins” Is Offensive, And Only The Team Owner Does Not Realize It
Dan Snyder owns the Washington Redskins, a team with that team name that has been around for a very long time. The team is based in the very capitol of our great land, good ol’ Washington D.C. People nowadays like to be politically correct, and thus there are many people that find the team name “Redskins” rather offensive (even though using Native American names and likenesses is rampant throughout all of sports, including my beloved hometown Kansas City Chiefs). For whatever reason, the Washington Redskins have been singled out, and pressure is higher than ever on Mr. Snyder to change the name of the team. Meanwhile, Mr. Snyder is doing no such thing! In fact, short of straight up government interference in this matter, I do not believe Snyder will EVER willingly change the team’s name. I have no clue which way this will go, and hell, I’m not even sure where I stand on the issue (on the one hand it’s a sports team so why should anyone really care, on the other if someone had a team with the “N” word as a nickname I would more clearly understand the problem). The bottom line is that this is an issue to watch in the future. Just as the NBA had to battle with Donald Sterling, so to may the NFL have to battle with Dan Snyder… our lesson in all of this is that apparently if your initials are DS you might be a racist.
4. The Bold Prediction
Prior to seeing a single snap of pre-season (the Hall of Fame Game DEFINITELY does NOT count) I give you my super bowl prediction… Seahawks repeat!!! It hasn’t happened in years (the term dynasty has clearly been replaced by the word parody in the NFL). However, I know two things for certain about the game of football: One, is that a running game can travel. Two, is that defense wins championships. So there you have it folks, a prediction on the Super Bowl as the only actual analysis of football in the entire article!!!! HAS ANYONE SPOTTED THE PROBLEM YET!?!?!?!?!?!?! We could literally go on for thousands of posts about the mess that is pro sports in the United States, but quite simply… Words Don’t Do It Justice!