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And now we come to…the end of an era

Today, oddly enough was supposed to be the pay off FINALLY for a number of posts about relationships that I thought might be better than all my previous ruthless on relationships post. And indeed I’ll get to that later.

 

Instead,

Today is a day I bring us to a place I knew could happen, but was happy every time it didn’t. Today we end the hour for the last time. What do I mean? Today is the beginning of a goodbye party. For this blog. Oh it will continue to exist, but a transition is afoot. And so with all transitions, some things remain the same, while other change or are left behind.

If you would have told me 3 years ago as I was studying for the bar that we would be here I would be shocked. But if you would have told me that we would get here after 450 thousand views I’d also be shocked so much attention happened. Words Don’t Do It Justice started as an idea, a bit of fun, and a lot of me. I have buried hatchets with enemies because of this blog, reconnected with old friends, and made new ones because of this blog, found meaning in the midst of my own personal depression because of this place. I have consumed it, and let it consume me. I love it. But loving this blog means knowing what to do. And taking a good long look I know the thing to do is let it go.

But I said this was transition not destruction.

And indeed it is. I’ll be taking Words Don’t Do It Justice away from our blogging past into a show based future. For me, the question was one of logistics. Was it better to end everything and walk away from these years of effort, or find a way to keep the place alive in the hearts of all of you who have supported us? I choose to believe that you will keep supporting us, and I chose to keep this place alive in a new way.

That means giving you what we planned. Give No Quarter, The Wrath of Ruthless, and Words Don’t Do It Justice are the three pillars of Ruthless Radio. 3 shows with different formats that bring you many of the topics you might see written about here, but in a new form and with some new and old faces/voices. Over the next few weeks as we ready to for the relaunch of Words Don’t Do It Justice as a podcast, you’ll get to read some farewells from various alums, and hear from the incoming folks for these shows. You’ll also see the Words Don’t Do It Justice site itself undergo various changes. With plenty of hard work, luck, and you listening in, I hope to earn your trust for these new shows, and continue to hold our interest.

SO! What about Weekend’s Don’t Do It Justice?

Well I’m happy to say our little casual interest site is growing well. And it is going to continue. We had a nice response to the sample chapter from Project 13, and now that game of thrones is done you’ll see a lot of other reviews, news, and related content there. Our gamers are doing their thing, and if Vantinel’s CEO appearance is any indication of commitment, we will only continue to grow over there.

As I end for now I just want to say thank you, and of course to keep watching what we do. But more than that, thank you for being a force for us. We continued to push because you were there with us. 100,000 visitors, 450,000 views, and 3 years of growth, While things must change, I am glad to have made it to this point. A point that let’s me look back and say that YOU made us more than I imagined. And though Words Don’t Do It Justice…Thank you.

 

“THE Ruthless Wonder” Matthew Elisha Williams

Founder of Words Don’t Do It Justice

Mom

Random church pic with Mom. Sometimes you dont need a special occasion.

Random church pic with Mom. Sometimes you don’t need a special occasion.

If you’re reading this. It is the future. I’m writing to you from the past. Who knows how long I’ll be on the shelf with this illness, but I wanted to get this written down in time to go up on Mother’s Day just in case.

She loved coming to Florida for this. Still doesn't want to move there though.

She loved coming to Florida for this. Still doesn’t want to move there though.

Mother’s Day

People often have a opinion of the holiday that is steeped in one of two things. An unabashed love of it and their Mother, or a deep avoidance of it because of their Mother. I fall oddly enough in both categories. Some of you know why more than others. When people naturally assume I’m talking about the woman in all the photos of my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood constantly referred to as my Mom, they wonder how I can have ill feelings towards her. Like every child, at some point I got mad about not being allowed to do or get something (usually my way), but I assure you that is not what I’m talking about here. I’m in both categories because as is the case for kids like me, I know the fundamental difference between me and most of you. As many people constantly post the sonograms of their upcoming children, the poems about their mothers and how they were carried 9 months and all that, and inevitably the “she knew me before I knew myself” based reflections, I get angry.

Let me explain.

I get angry because I know, sort of, the woman who did that. I know her in my features, my skin tone, my likely genetically passed along diseases (thanks for the diabetes). I don’t know her face other than what exists in my own. I don’t know her voice other than what markers her and my father passed along to me. And that makes me angry every year at this time. Right along side knowing that I was easy to cast aside. But another anger rises in me. I am angry for the woman who has loved, cared for, scolded, taught, cried over and with, cheered on, and supported me from the moment she saw my face. Because she had to find me. Because she and my Dad had to look for me. Because I wasn’t theirs to begin with.

If you thought she was happy when I got my JD, imagine her watching me get sworn in by a Judge I've known since I was 13, at the second coolest courthouse in Kansas City, with nothing but friends and family around.

If you thought she was happy when I got my JD, imagine her watching me get sworn in by a Judge I’ve known since I was 13, at the second coolest courthouse in Kansas City, with nothing but friends and family around.

In movies, because well I always relate things to something easy, you often find a character who is secretly someone else entirely has odd differences in their mannerisms, looks and the like from their family and finding out why is some deep secret from the family’s pandora’s box. I’ve always known why. I’m adopted. I could say it is easier to handle sticking out when you know why, but I’d be lying. Knowing your extreme light complexion black parents are not passing it on to you so you look darker in every photo? I know the reason. Knowing your siblings from your father’s past relationships are all substantially taller than you, and you’ll probably never get there? I know the reason. And those are the superficial issues. The hard stuff is much darker. I won’t get you too deep in that existential nightmare, but hold the rails as I dip your toes in.

Wondering if your parents really love you or if they might send you away because you aren’t really their kid they just chose to have you around? I know the reason for that fear and it started at age 5.

Get out of that pool folks it only gets darker from there.

So while some of my anger is from not being wanted by the woman who gave birth to me, a lot of it is from not being born my Mom’s son. Knowing that somewhere deep in her mind just like in mine we hurt for the same reason, that we had to find each other. That her and my Dad had to go through paperwork, lawyers, judges, an apparently heartbroken foster mom, and state agencies as well as everyone who represented my birth mother’s family just to get me into their lives so I could have the beautiful dream ending that you seriously only hear about in movies. You might wonder why that inspires anger and not joy, happiness, or many other positives emotions. Well it does. But I started with anger so you’d get why the highs are so high.

I said at the top I’m in both categories. The flame of my anger has, admittedly, dimmed a bit, as I just stopped caring about all but the fact that my parents are the ones who love and raised me. Who were there for all the tiny moments and the towering ones. But the anger category was never so powerful as to overshadow the joy. Better said the anger fueled even more joy. How so? Let’s dream out the other side of that dark pool from earlier for a moment shall we? I don’t wonder did my parents want to have me around. I know they did because of all that to get me here. I have verifiable, legally documented, state stamped proof that by the sheer force of will of my parents I became Matthew Elisha Williams (My name is, in the end, rather telling). I take pride in my name and the meaning of my name. Not because it is so American that eagles should come flying out from behind me while Jimi Hendrix plays the Star Spangled Banner every time it is said or I walk into a room. But because, quite literally, it is the story of how I came to be.

Not the same as when we had season tickets for the Chiefs, but we both loved being back to Arrowhead for some football. GO LINCOLN!

Not the same as when we had season tickets for the Chiefs, but we both loved being back to Arrowhead for some football. GO LINCOLN!

So when I look at my Mother, now enjoying retirement, reading books, but sadly dealing with the complications of having MS effecting one of her legs I have a towering joy. That woman chose me. Every child that was available for adoption in 1982 was available. Every single one, and instead of all of them, me. That’s a powerful thing to know. That’s a powerful memory to hold in your heart and mind when things get bad. I know, because I have. I let her pick what we do with Mother’s day every year. Some years I didn’t have the money to buy her gifts so I wrote for her. Some years the gift doesn’t arrive on time. No matter what though, I give thanks for her. I take a moment every chance I get to remind her I love her, to say thank you, and on days like Mother’s Day additionally make sure she knows I care. Because, as I often say, my parents are my favorite super heroes, always have been, always will be. So I make sure to honor the one I still get to see whenever I want. The cliché ending would be “take a moment and talk to your Mom, think about your Mom, or go see your Mom.” I wouldn’t dare presume that you only have the bright side of the journey I just took you on. Instead I’ll end by saying no matter what your situation, no matter your relationship with your Mother, take a moment for yourself. Reflect on who you are. If that reflection leads you to a positive place about your Mother, take some time for and or with her. If that reflection leads you to a negative place about your Mother, take some time to honor who you became in spite of that relationship. I could say more, but Words Don’t Do Mom Justice!

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Way back when Mom at my side, and my uncle standing in where my father would have if he had still been alive.

 –  THE Ruthless Wonder

 

P.S. shoutout to the soon to be Moms that are also big time WDDIJ Superfans Jessica Thomas and Danielle Baron-Anders(or Anders nee Baron, Luv ya but I have no idea what you decided on last name)

Story Time: Reign meets WDDIJ

Bloody JusticeIt feels like a life time has passed, but it’s only been 2 years. Geek Illuminati was barely 2 months old and I was just discovering my social media voice. I had just participated in my first pod cast, and I have to admit I was feeling pretty damned pumped about it… but I wasn’t ready to take a full step out of my shell. Not long after, there it was: the post that would invariably change my life forever. The Ruthless Wonder posted an open invitation to join him here at WDDIJ. It took e about a week to muster up the courage. “Is it too late to join? I mean, are you still looking for writers?” I don’t remember what he said, but he sent me to check out the site and read up on some of the content before giving me any information. I clicked through the side links, the Glossary, the Justice League… and then I read Ruthless Grab Bag: Open Letters and Women. Part one and just knew that I needed to add my perspective to what seemed like a gathering of sad bitter men… Little did I know that I needed them much more. WDDIJ, our readers, the writers, our pod cast guests and regulars have all contributed to making Reign the real me, and who I used to think I was the alter ego.

the R Revolution's ReignThank you WDDIJ for letting my Words Do some Justice. To The Ruthless Wonder, The Boss, The Partner, The Man who stared it all; thanks for giving me, well, Us, a place to vent. And of course I have to thank you, our readers for sticking with us for all these years. If not for you, we’d basically just be talking to ourselves, and as engaging a that might be, its better when you come around. You got us to 90,000 visitors and 300,000 views, and then you told some friends and took us over that milestone, and we look forward to meeting you in The Justice League where we always
Do More & Require Better.

Peace & Blessings.
Namaste.

And now… at the end of the hour

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This week we debuted a brand new podcast with a livestream. We said goodbye to one of the founders. We tackled coons, and hoteps. As well as assault, and the HIV & AIDS treatment drug Truvada.

 

 

I skipped a couple lines to let that sink in.

When this started I literally just wanted to take my usual facebook ranting to a website. I figured it would be like the old days of my Xanga page. Now, now I deal with potential sponsors, have production meetings, worry about our average listening and reading time, and look for brand expansion.

I remind you, I was so bored in the last semester of law school I decided to make a blog to archive the things I would normally rant about on Facebook.

 

So you can understand that having gone from that place to now is rather…amazing if I’m honest. I had no idea. We’ve added and lost people over that time. But more than their contributions or mine, we’ve gotten to know a lot of you. As of this writing, 92,000 of you have come to get to know us over these 3 years of Words Don’t Do It Justice. And you must like it here, because you’ve dropped in 302,000 times.

300000

That is astounding. That is epic. And to think that it has all come before we put up a single ad, before we shilled a single product, without a marketing team, and mostly from the effort of our authors, and their friends and family who have additionally believed in us and shared us with other people.  I can’t tell you enough thank you for all you’ve done and continue to do. It really has made the difference.

What that means is even what I’ve done in the past year isn’t enough. I have to do more. And I am. While we lost a podcast co-host today, I’m proud to say we gained 2 new ones for our show Give No Quarter. While we have Reason on break for a while, I’m happy to say we will be launching Weekends Don’t Do It Justice as its own site (www.wkndlife.com www.weekendsdontdoitjustice.net www.weekendsdontdoitjustice.com). Look for a review of a hilariously bad movie coming over there soon from me.

Heck, go buy a shirt, phone case, hoodie or tank. https://www.teepublic.com/user/314publishing

Check out our current Shirt and cases designs. Buy one now while you wait for more. Click the photo to go straight to the store!

Check out our current Shirt and cases designs. Buy one now while you wait for more.
Click the photo to go straight to the store!

 

I’m also happy to say that I’m teaming with Mr. 9 to 5 gamer himself Bami O to open a new gaming site and channel called “Save State Society” (www.savestatesociety.com www.savestatesociety.net) here soon as well. And we’re open with some great games and reviews. But that is going to take a lot to talk about, and I’ve got work to do there.

You’re here reading because this is about Words Don’t Do it Justice. The granddaddy of them all. Okay, the origin of them all. Three years in, and even though health wise I’ve dealt with issues. Professional life wise, I’ve had great forward steps but also set backs. Heck life in general being strange. After all that I’m proud of where we are. Where you’ve brought us. And so for the third time we come to the end of the hour. Where I say thank you without any reservations. Where for the third time ever, I get to step out of my role as Head Blogger, Editor, Podcast host, Lucremo, THE Ruthless Wonder, and everything that comes with it, and instead just talk to you as Matt Williams. We have a few reflection pieces and some alumni coming back to give us a piece. And we are going to celebrate all the way to my personal birthday on March 14th. But right now I’m just going to end by saying thank you all for bringing me and us from where we were to where we are and pushing us forward to where we are going next. As always Words Don’t Do YOU Justice.

“THE Ruthless Wonder” Matthew Elisha Williams

Thank you Dr. King

On this day we are reminded about the price of revolution. The effect of going against the powers that hold sway over the majority of the life above our heads. The very instruments of power.

And so today, we at Words Don’t Do It Justice, The Wrath of Ruthless, 9 to 5 gamer, Imperial Dreams Productions, and 314 Publishing, honor The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. not as the sanitized pacifist the traditional media would have you believe he was, but as the Revolutionary pushing back against the tide of injustice in every form that he actually was.

Thank you Dr. King. For every person who looked and wondered “why not?” And for every person who heard your words as the sounding horn to go to work. To take freedom for all from the oppressors in their lives.

Thank you Dr. King, from all of us.

The WRATH of Ruthless Holiday Special: The Wrong Kind Of Progress

The WRATH of Ruthless is back!

Before our actual relaunch we got together for a Holiday special with a couple topics and some old friends.

The WRATH of Ruthless Holiday Special: The Wrong Kind Of Progress <-Click this and you can download or listen from our SoundCloud

Here you can listen from our soundcloud right here on WDDIJ. [soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/239005820″ params=”color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false” width=”100%” height=”100″ iframe=”true” /]

hoetears IMG_25031 mad-max-fury-road-war-boys Bern really meme Marlon 120806_elizabeth_warren_605_ap 150401135040-donald-trump-gallery-8-super-169

CHICAGO - DECEMBER 01: Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) listens as President-elect Barack Obama introduces her as his choice for secretary of state during a press conference at the Hilton Hotel December 01, 2008 in Chicago, Illinois. Other members of the National Security Team named by Obama at the press conference include Washington attorney Eric Holder as attorney general, Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano as his choice for homeland security and he said Robert Gates would remain as defense secretary. Retired Marine Gen. James L. Jones was selected for the position of national security adviser and Susan Rice as U.N. ambassador. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

Yes our Holiday Special is going to cover all of this.

Louise ∞ 4

Welcome to the Love World of Reason…

Seeing Louise sends me into a panic so I rush to the backroom. I text Michelle so she can take Louise’s table. “Jerry what the hell was that?” Jonny asks.

“What do you mean?” I say, trying to sound confused.

“You ran in here like someone was chasing you.” Jonny says angrily, “Did you even greet that customer that just walked in?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah I did.” I lie, “Look Jonny, to be honest, I’m really not feeling well. I think it’s probably better if I just hang out back here.”

Hang out?” Jonny says, “I wasn’t aware this was a hang out spot.”

“I mean, I can help out back here.” I say annoyed, “I just don’t think it would be a good idea if the customers see me coughing and sneezing.”

“But you’re not coughing or sneezing.” Jonny says looking at me strangely.

“Acho.” I say pretending to sneeze, “Yeah it comes and goes.”

Jonny rolls his eyes and walks away.

“Seriously?” Michelle walks into the backroom, “Could you have made that anymore obvious?”

“Did she see me?” I say, “Did she say something?”

“You’re like a little boy who has a crush on his teacher.” Michelle says, “Get it together Jerry.”

“I know, I know.” I say, “Damnit.”

“Just go talk to her.” Michelle says, “Or just pretend like you’re her server and see if she even recognizes you.”

Or…” I say. “I’ll hang out back here until she leaves… Tell me when she leaves okay.”

“I will do no such thing.” Michelle says as she walks back to the front of the café.

I straighten things up in the backroom and do some of the chores I would normally do before clocking out. All the while peeking to see what Louise is doing. Michelle is right, I need to get a grip. If Louise really has moved to Blanca, I can’t possible hide out here every time she comes into the café.

 

 

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” Louise screams, “Jerry ready or not here I come.”

I can hear Louise running, she giggles as she looks for me. She won’t find me here. I picked the best hiding place. I always do.

“Jerry.” Louise screams, “I give up come out!”

Louise always gives up after a few seconds of not finding me.

“Jerry.” Louise says, “C’mon. No fair come out.”

I wait a few minutes then run out to Louise and say, “Told you, you wouldn’t find me.”

“How come you find all the good hiding places?” Louise asks.

“Cause I’m good at hiding.” I say.

“Louise, Jerry come inside, lunch is ready.” My dad screams to us from inside the house.

“Beat you to the door.” I say as I take off running.

“Hey, no fair.” Louise says, “Wait up.”

“Told you I would beat you to the door.” I say to Louise once we get inside.

“I thought you said you were my boyfriend now.” Louise says.

“Yeah, so?” I say.

“Well boyfriends are supposed to let girlfriends win sometimes.” Louise says pouting.

“Nu huh.” I say, “Who told you that?”

“I just know, okay.” Louise says.

“Well you’re wrong.” I say.

“Oh yeah?” Louise says, “Let’s ask my mom.”

“Mom.” Louise says, “Aren’t boyfriends supposed to let girlfriends win sometimes?”

“Yes that is right Lou Lou.” Louise’s mom, Raina says.

“Told you!” Louise says.

“Dad, mom are boyfriends supposed to let girlfriends win sometimes?” I ask.

“No, sir that isn’t true.” My dad says, but then he looks at my mom and says, “Ah actually son, that, that is true.”

I look at Louise and our moms and they are smiling from ear to ear; my dad and Louise’s dad are shaking their heads and also smiling. “It looks like all the girls think it’s true and all the boys are doing what the girls say.” I say.

“And if you want to be a happy boyfriend you will do the same.” Louise says and we all laugh.

 

 

“Hey Jerry, how’s it going?” Mike says.

Mike is a new server, “Hey Mike. What you doing here so early, I thought you were working the evening shift?”

“Jerry, it’s like 4 o’clock.” Mike says laughing, “What are you putting in that coffee of yours huh?”

“Man, I didn’t realize it was so late.” I say.

“Jerry, let’s go.” Michelle says, “Time to clock out.”

“You aren’t allowed to leave until you are finished all your work.” Jonny says rudely.

“Jerry did it all.” Michelle says, “Every last chore, and he even started some of the evening shift chores.”

“You did?” Jonny asks me.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I say looking around.

I must have been really distracted, thinking about Louise. “See, there you go.” Michelle says, “Goodnight everyone. Jerry Let’s go now!”

“What’s the rush?” I say once we get in the car.

“I did some snooping.” Michelle says, “I spoke to Louise, it’s definitely her.”

“What?” I say, “What did she say? How do you know for sure? Did she say something about me?”

“Why don’t we wait till we get home, then we can talk.” Michelle says.

I want to protest, but I can tell by Michelle’s tone she isn’t going to budge. Now I’m thinking all kinds of things. What could Louise have possibly told Michelle? What could Michelle have possible told Louise? I hope she didn’t mention my name. Finally we pull up to the apartment, “Okay.” I say, “We’re home. Tell me.”

“Go take a shower.” Michelle says, “I’ll be right over.”

“Damn Michelle.” I say as I get out of the car. I rush upstairs to take a shower. My nerves are building with each passing moment. After I get out the shower Michelle is waiting for me on the couch. She’s made tea. This can’t be good.

“At first I wasn’t sure if I should ask…” Michelle starts then hesitates, “But she was so friendly so I felt comfortable talking to her.”

“Ohhkkaay” I say trying to be patient.

“First I asked her, what brings her here.” Michelle says, “You know, to Blanca and she says she’s visiting. She’ll be leaving in a couple of months.”

“Okay, that’s good.” I say, but I’m not sure if I really think that’s a good or not.

“She decided to come here, because she’s a writer and she needed a quiet place to get inspiration.” Michelle says.

“A writer?” I say. I never saw that coming. Louise was never good at writing. Science was her best subject. I’ve always imagined her as a doctor or a professor at some fancy university. “What else did she say?”

“I asked what her name was to see if I had heard of any of her books.” Michelle says, “She then told me that her name is Louise, but has a pin name: Liliana Carr.”

“Wait, wait.” I say, “Liliana Carr?”

“When I asked if it had some special meaning, she hesitated then told me her high school sweetheart’s last name was Carr.” Michelle says.

“My last name is Carr.” I say absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I know.” Michelle says sarcastically.

“Oh right.” I say, “So what else happened?”

“I asked her why she decided to use that name and she said it’s because it was after her high school sweetheart broke her heart that she started writing.” Michelle says quietly.

“I don’t understand.” I say.

“The way she described it, you breaking up with her gave her the inspiration to write.” Michelle says, “From the pain of the breakup came a bunch of wonderful works of art. She’s actually really famous. Well, her writing is.”

“I’ve never heard of a Lilian Carr.” I say.

“You don’t read Jerry.” Michelle says, “She’s famous to people who actually read novels and poems.”

“So wait, you know her work then?” I ask.

“I actually own a bunch of her work.” Michelle says, taking out a stack of books and putting them on the table.

“This is all her?” I ask, “Louise?”

“Yeah. There’s a lot more, but this is all I have.” Michelle says. “It’s mostly romance novels.”

“Oh.” I say. I’m not really sure what else to say.

“But Jerry, almost all the novels have a sad ending.” Michelle says, “You really hurt her.”

“Thanks Michelle.” I say.

“Sorry.” Michelle says, “But anyway that’s not all.”

Wonderful, there’s more. “What is it?” I ask.

Michelle whispers, “She’s married Jerry.”

As a refresher I’ve included the links to all the parts to Louise!