Rss

Archives for : THE Ruthless Wonder

And now we come to…the end of an era

Posted by :TheRuthlessWonder On : June 27, 2016
0

Category: Activism, Advice, Blogging, Choices, Civil RIghts, Commentary, Decorum Deficiency Disorder, Digital Age, Dr. Harlein Quynzel, Dreams, Faith, Feed Your Mind, Fiction, Films, Food, From Harls with love, Green Grass and Bright Lights, Holiday Blog Posts, I have no mouth, But I must scream, Imperial Dreams Interview Series, Internet, Introductions, Kudo, Language, Legal Analysis, Life, Lucrémo, Notes From Your Favorite Super Villain, Parenting, Philosophy, Plans, Podcast, politics, Purpose, Race Matters, Realistic Royalty, Reason, Rebellionista, Reign, Relationships, Revanchist's Rambling Reviews, Revolution, Roddi P, Role Play, Ronin, RSI 101, Rufus, Ruthless Grab Bag, Ruthless On Relationships, Sports, Story Time, Teaser, technology, Television, The Fourth R, The Justice League, The Justie League Covers, The Letter Series, The once and future King, The Radical Ref, The Revanchist, THE Ruthless Wonder, The Wrath of Ruthless, To Follow and To Lead, Travel, Uncategorized, Weekend With Ruthless, Weekends Don't Do It Justice, Words Don't Do It Justice: Weekend Edition, Writing, Xion

Today, oddly enough was supposed to be the pay off FINALLY for a number of posts about relationships that I thought might be better than all my previous ruthless on relationships post. And indeed I’ll get to that later.

 

Instead,

Today is a day I bring us to a place I knew could happen, but was happy every time it didn’t. Today we end the hour for the last time. What do I mean? Today is the beginning of a goodbye party. For this blog. Oh it will continue to exist, but a transition is afoot. And so with all transitions, some things remain the same, while other change or are left behind.

If you would have told me 3 years ago as I was studying for the bar that we would be here I would be shocked. But if you would have told me that we would get here after 450 thousand views I’d also be shocked so much attention happened. Words Don’t Do It Justice started as an idea, a bit of fun, and a lot of me. I have buried hatchets with enemies because of this blog, reconnected with old friends, and made new ones because of this blog, found meaning in the midst of my own personal depression because of this place. I have consumed it, and let it consume me. I love it. But loving this blog means knowing what to do. And taking a good long look I know the thing to do is let it go.

But I said this was transition not destruction.

And indeed it is. I’ll be taking Words Don’t Do It Justice away from our blogging past into a show based future. For me, the question was one of logistics. Was it better to end everything and walk away from these years of effort, or find a way to keep the place alive in the hearts of all of you who have supported us? I choose to believe that you will keep supporting us, and I chose to keep this place alive in a new way.

That means giving you what we planned. Give No Quarter, The Wrath of Ruthless, and Words Don’t Do It Justice are the three pillars of Ruthless Radio. 3 shows with different formats that bring you many of the topics you might see written about here, but in a new form and with some new and old faces/voices. Over the next few weeks as we ready to for the relaunch of Words Don’t Do It Justice as a podcast, you’ll get to read some farewells from various alums, and hear from the incoming folks for these shows. You’ll also see the Words Don’t Do It Justice site itself undergo various changes. With plenty of hard work, luck, and you listening in, I hope to earn your trust for these new shows, and continue to hold our interest.

SO! What about Weekend’s Don’t Do It Justice?

Well I’m happy to say our little casual interest site is growing well. And it is going to continue. We had a nice response to the sample chapter from Project 13, and now that game of thrones is done you’ll see a lot of other reviews, news, and related content there. Our gamers are doing their thing, and if Vantinel’s CEO appearance is any indication of commitment, we will only continue to grow over there.

As I end for now I just want to say thank you, and of course to keep watching what we do. But more than that, thank you for being a force for us. We continued to push because you were there with us. 100,000 visitors, 450,000 views, and 3 years of growth, While things must change, I am glad to have made it to this point. A point that let’s me look back and say that YOU made us more than I imagined. And though Words Don’t Do It Justice…Thank you.

 

“THE Ruthless Wonder” Matthew Elisha Williams

Founder of Words Don’t Do It Justice

I’m THE Ruthless Wonder, And I believe in the friend zone

Posted by :TheRuthlessWonder On : May 30, 2016
0

Category: Blogging, Commentary, Digital Age, Dreams, Life, Purpose, Relationships, Ruthless On Relationships, THE Ruthless Wonder, Writing

Ruthless On Relationships: The Friend Zone

Where do you stand?

Where do you stand?

Yes folks we are there now. It is time for a Ruthless on Relationships special edition. Special edition because I really didn’t plan to post at all this week(work is savage right now), nor talk about this. SO, why am I? Well the best way I can put it is that I’m tired of people failing to grasp it and then putting their thoughts on Facebook. And we all know what happens when I get annoyed. NOW let’s get to it!

The Friend Zone is real

This statement on the face of it is not a problem really. But when you add context. When you put it in the age of XO Jane and Jezebel. The age of #NotAllWomen and #NotAllMen. The age of outrage, ostracizing and tumblr activism. Well then things take a turn. See your normal human mind that is ruled by logic knows exactly what I mean when I say friend zone. Because you, someone you know, or someone you truly care about has dealt with what it really is. You’ve read about it in romantic literature as far back as Ancient Africa. You remember the crush who you never spoke to and think “I was in the friend zone.”

But these other folks don’t mean that. They don’t mean that time you and your friend were so close that you just suddenly developed a feeling for them that was more romantic than friendly, but it was one sided. They don’t mean the friend of yours who liked a guy and was friends with him until she told him her feelings and he rejected her. They don’t mean what your brain has told you for the span of your existence that the friend zone means. They think it means something else.

To these people, these ultimately sadly but willfully ignorant masses, the friend zone is about men who think being nice to women gets them sex. Or men who say they want to be friends to trick women into dating them. Men who feel entitled to sex because of the things they have done for women or the position they have with them. Do you see the problem yet? Of course you do. You’ve been reading me this long so you know what the deal is. But since you are sharing this with your friends, I’ll point it out all clickbaity and continue.

THEY BELIEVE THIS IS AN ALL MALE CONSTRUCT TO SUBJUGATE AND OPPRESS WOMEN.

The Conflict

This conflict on meaning is a problem for a lot of reasons. No doubt you’ve already thought about your female friends and the guys who treated them like they were in the friend zone. But let’s not be exclusionary here. You are well aware of the nice guy friend of theirs they know likes them. The one they joke about taking them to dinner on their dime. The one who flew them out to some vacation. The one who always invites them to be their date of record for events so they don’t look gay or lonely. But even that level isn’t deep enough. Fellas you know that friend of yours. You know, the friend you’ve known since grade school or high school. That you use the excuse that they dated your boy you stopped talking to in 1997 to keep from approaching. The one you laugh off when girls you want to publicly date are around, but always seem to find yourselves in way too intimate to be just friend positions otherwise. Y’all are lying to yourselves. You’ve put that person in the friend zone. I’m not, nor am I into dating members of the trans community, so I can’t speak to them, and thus they are out of the analysis here. But I will say I’m sure everything that I’ve said so far goes for them as well. Hell probably worse since they have to come out as trans, go through their version of transition, and hope that telling a friend who they crush on won’t end in violence.

The reason the friend zone is very particular in meaning, and ultimately should be narrowly tailored to what I’m talking about, is that it is irrespective of gender, sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity. The friend zone is a place you put a person you don’t have romantic and sexual interest in, but you believe has some romantic and sexual interest in you. I did a podcast of the Wrath of Ruthless not too long ago about the different attractions and what in the end they mean. Shoutout to friend of the show Láy Krardashian for the post that help make that happen (You fellas looking for a boyfriend go talk to the babyface badboy). In it we talked about the effect of these attractions. Here I want to talk deeper really quick about both sides of crushing on someone. Because I think that is where people mix up asshole fakes, and nice people. If you have a crush on someone, usually, USUALLY, you aren’t going to say something. You’re going to mope around, trying to figure it out. You’re going to wait just long enough for them to start dating someone else, and then move on. If you do say something you often make it bad timing(aka when they’ve already said they only want to be friends), or when you can make an angry counter to someone else vying for their affection. You are not in the friend zone just because you have a crush. You’re in the friend zone because the person doesn’t feel romantic or sexual about you, and they already scoped you might have that potential feeling.

Of course the assholes are the ones who, gender non-dependant, say they want to be friends to try and trick their way to sex, or keep you in said friend zone for the purpose of abusing your feelings about them to gain things to their benefit. Putting you into the Friend Zone is not an asshole move. It is a perfectly reasonable protective measure. Let me said it again. PUTTING YOU IN THE FRIEND ZONE, BY ITSELF, IS NOT AN ASSHOLE MOVE. IT IS A REASONABLE PROTECTIVE MEASURE! The asshole is also found in the ones who feel entitled to sex for doing things. REGARDLESS OF GENDER. I don’t care if you are the doting female friend who brings chicken soup to her childhood buddy because his last girlfriend got him and the puppy sick right before she walked out. I don’t care if you are the super cool LGBTQ+ friend who helped your homie pick up the pieces after every single straight person broke their heart and made them write godawful poetry that you still clapped along to. Just because you do friendly things doesn’t mean you get to make moves. Those lunch time mimosas where she poured her life story and you repoured your heart out? No excuse to try making out with her while y’all were drunk. That 3rd watch of fear and loathing over blunts and beer? Didn’t earn you cop a crotch on the couch time. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. And that’s not the friend zone. That is sexual assault.

However, just like there are assholes, asshole fakes, and the like, there are also nice people. You have a nice person in the friend zone now. You are also in the friend zone of a nice person. Nice people who have no idea you like them and are oblivious to the fact that you want to tell them how you feel. Just like there is someone you think is interested in you, but is just being a good friend. You’ve been told all your life that in heterosexual relations men and women can’t be just friends. And you’ve been told the same for homosexual relations. That everyone who is in your part of the sexual spectrum and isn’t family is so part of the culture that you are unable to be truly platonic. I’ve fought that notion myself. I’ve grappled with the “Am I digging her like that now?” moment. Usually a few times thinking about it makes it go away. But since I already told you 1. The friend zone is a place you put a person you don’t have romantic and sexual interest in, but you believe has some romantic and sexual interest in you. And 2. Putting you into the Friend Zone is not an asshole move. It is a perfectly reasonable protective measure. Let me give you the third and final bit now. 3. You owe it to your single friends, as a friend, to be helpful to their love life, aka be a wingman/wingwoman(A trans man or trans woman is still a man or woman for the purpose of this analysis. When the nonbinary community comes up with a word, and I’m doing this again, I’ll add it).

Now why do you owe them? Mostly to prevent confusion, and be a good friend. Think about it. When you’re single and available your friends who share your gender identity help as best as possible. You may even seek them out for good ideas in dating. Why is it any different for those who share a gender with your sexual preference? Why isn’t it MORE important to help and be helped by them? After all, a guy talking to other guys is only going to get so far on what an incoming woman wants. You can actually have a chat with her and size up who she is versus the male friend and pre-check some compatibility. Your lady friends can see what kind of girls a guy is into, but your guy friends can give you some insight about what his manly habits are. I often boil this down in conversation to a simple thing. If you are in the friend zone with a single person who matches your sexual preference, ask them to hook you up with their friends. “I’m your friend? Word? Then hook me up with your girls, bestie.” is common parlance these days in memes, but I truly believe that. You have a female friend who just need her ass slapped and hair pulled to get life right? Don’t be salty, link her up with the dude who is 28 and still has no plans to be serious this decade. You have a guy trying to pick up the pieces? You know your homegirl has the Ms. Materialistic attitude, don’t pawn him off on her, hook him in to your network of good girls who will treat him right. I’m not saying you have to be the patron saint of matchmakers, I’m saying friends help friends find their way in life. And in love, that’s the way it should be no matter what the orientation and identity of the people involved. So seriously, I’m single, you have hot friends, and in my Jagged Edge voice “Where the party at?” LOL

No, but seriously, I want to walk off with this notion. You are being sold a bill of goods about the friend zone that just isn’t true. Both by the people who aren’t really as nice as they claim, and by the people who are the victims of fakes and phonies. The friend zone is a place you put a person you don’t have romantic and sexual interest in, but you believe has some romantic and sexual interest in you. Putting you into the Friend Zone is not an asshole move. It is a perfectly reasonable protective measure. You owe it to your single friends, as a friend, to be helpful to their love life, aka be a wingman/wingwoman. Beyond that, everything is someones agenda. Shame to get you on their side of a ideological debate about the place of normative versus transative, male versus female, and all other manner of ideas on sex and gender. But the friend zone is a neutral construct. I’m THE Ruthless Wonder and I believe in the friend zone. And I’d say more but Words Don’t Do It Justice!

– THE Ruthless Wonder

When your enemies go to war, you win?

Posted by :TheRuthlessWonder On : May 27, 2016
0

Category: Advice, Blogging, Civil RIghts, Commentary, Digital Age, Legal Analysis, Life, Philosophy, Plans, politics, Purpose, Race Matters, THE Ruthless Wonder

law (1)

Let’s skip the pleasant notions here. I’ve said before that the man who got me through the bar both times was Jonathan Grossman and the woman who gave me a great plan was Kaci Line. And there is a reason for that. My bar essay class. A mandatory bar prep course we had my very last semester, was taught by one of the subjects of this piece, and frankly was horrid. His reposting of Daughters of the Confederacy videos aside, his incorrect information, unfocused technique, and frankly annoying teaching method are what I’m addressing here as his part in this. Barry and their part…well you’ve already read how I feel about my law school’s administration and faculty before. No one should be surprised.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/education/os-barry-lawsuit-gender-discrimination-story.html

Yes this is what we are going to talk about.

Yes this is what we are going to talk about.

The War on Men

I’m going to call this now. Because I both expect this to get to the MRAs of the world, and because I expect chaos to follow. This will branch out beyond the community involved into a Feminist v. MRA/MGTOW discussion of equality. How for the MRA this represents women getting a taste of their own medicine, and for the Feminist this is proof of entitlement. Just remember I called this now. Me. THE Ruthless Wonder. Now let’s get to it.

The Fault in our Bars

If you didn’t take the time to read the article above I’ll sum it up. David Mourey is the former person in charge of helping students pass the bar at Barry Law where I attended from 2010 to 2013. He was not the only one in charge. But at the end of his time it was on his shoulders. You may have noticed I don’t have a positive opinion of him. That’s for good reason. As a student who was not planning to take the Florida bar I felt he was uninterested in properly preparing myself, and the other students in the same boat for our versions of the exam. What do I mean? I had him for the out of state bar essay class. Having us look up the exact essay structure for our state is a smart idea. What isn’t a smart idea is then having us all do the exact same essays no matter what our structure was. I took a UBE exam, so I had 6, 30 minute essays. I was given hour long essay exams every class. Florida did not use the MPT format essays that are the second part of my exam’s essay format. Guess what we never even talked about much less did.

Now that’s on him. The class though. That’s on Barry. You readers who are also attorneys know full well most schools don’t have required bar prep. Barry had bar prep that wasn’t required, then became pass fail but essay was optional for out of state folks, and then mandatory but pass fail for my class, then graded. That’s right, grades for bar prep. Be angry. At the same time, as I said, they’ve gotten rid of the people who helped get the passage rate high. Kaci Line, gone. Jonathan Grossman, gone. But they expected the same to happen, that these people were replaceable. That as long as they kept pushing bar prep it would net higher scores. You can already see the problem right? It is the combination of amazing teaching skill, and the personal student investment that made things work. By making more and more of the admittedly cutting edge approach to bar prep a mandatory slog for the students it made the potential effectiveness drop like a rock. But it wasn’t all their fault.

Enemy of my enemy

The current situation then sounds like a great thing for me right? The monsters are fighting each other, I’m far from the fallout, and this shouldn’t effect anything I’m doing. You’re wrong, but I’m glad you’re still so hopeful after reading WDDIJ this long. The problem for me and thousands of other graduates of Barry Law is this is happening all the time. From law professors who send out emails to every single student faculty and alumni calling the people who failed the bar idiots. To students including the son of the Dean of the law school calling Karen Civil all manner of racial slurs. To the Barry Law CFO Arrested for Embezzlement. All the usual low tier law school jokes. All the professors who’ve escaped to better jobs. The location jokes. I could go on and on about this. You get the point though right? These things playing out in the general public and over on places like Above the law make it worse on grads like myself. And that’s before we get to Barry grads themselves being unprofessional on social media when speaking to alums and others. Usually I’d be fine with this because “either something at Barry would have the potential to change, or at least someone might get something they deserve,” would be my mindset. Not so here.

For myself, and many grads like me there is no winner. Either the school survives this, and uses it as a catalyst to keep the same people in power who’ve made regression the name of the game. Or David Mourey gets rewarded by the courts for what should be laughed at. Listen, I’m all for men having the ability to say there was gender discrimination in the workplace when there are no men in power positions and their termination and treatment has a clear basis in their being male. I’m all for looking at the systemic issues of a 70% female and majority culture administration and what potentially that means to men and women of color. I’ll even let you slide on the idea that there are more factors than the bar prep style and structure at Barry that caused these last few classes to have such low rates. But what I won’t do, what I refuse to do, is give a pass to man who’s job at Barry law was bar prep, and straight up and down wasn’t good at it. Harsh words? Maybe, but honest commentary on the subject. There isn’t a concerned Barry alumni group because everything is fine. It exists because of what has gone on. And continues to go on.

Solutions

I wish I had a magic pill for this. If I thought anything other than complete change in administrative culture and approach to what should be the most lauded and publicized program at the school was needed I’d say it. If I thought somehow I could personally help solve the problem I would offer that in a second. The reality is I care so much about my school and the place it holds in the public eye that I am disgusted by all this. The reality is both sides are behaving like children. One trying to blame “Dem Uppity Womenfolk.” The other ignoring reality for their own pointlessly stubborn and clearly ineffective approach. There are no winners here. Perhaps if the school really committed to righting the ship. Hired back the folks that made it work. Really addressed issues like the out of state exam takers. Removed attendance requirements. Rolled part of the bar prep companies folks are using into the program. Let people who aren’t planning to take the bar immediately, opt out of the classes. And yes, hire staff to handle things like reading the essays so they are graded by people who have graded the bar exam somewhere. Instead of students or current faculty. Maybe with that there would be a change to things. The school would look better. At least on this front. Those other things take more work. I could probably put together a whole plan for that. But you know…Words Don’t Do it Justice!

– THE Ruthless Wonder

Class of 2013

Secret Truth of the Universe: Racist Atheists

Posted by :TheRuthlessWonder On : May 25, 2016
0

Category: Blogging, Civil RIghts, Commentary, Digital Age, Faith, Internet, Philosophy, Race Matters, THE Ruthless Wonder

Where am I?

You’re on Words Don’t Do It Justice…

How did I get here?

Man, who knows. Sometimes you surprise even me.

Where is everybody?

Again, you tell me. You’ve been gone a very long time…

Yes. Too long. 

Now what do we say to the people who say you’ve quit?

“Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.”

And what do we say to Reign as she goes on vacation?

“HOLD THE DOOR!”

 

So, Reign is taking a break for a couple weeks after holding things together while I dealt with what I can only call the most annoying illness I have ever had. Between all the doctor visits, the ER trips, the medicines, the follow ups, the cutting, the blood, the…you get the point. I’ve been away. In return I told her to relax and let me handle things. We have a lot of reloading to do around here, but until then. I’ve got a series for you. I call this, “Secret Truth of The Universe” and we’ll be dealing with a few segments of modern society who you wonderful readers have been telling me to address for a long time. I often say people get so into certain ideas they treat it like a secret truth of the universe when they tell you about it. First up, as you may have noticed is Racist Atheists. So let’s get to it!

 

Racist Anti-Religious Pseudo-intellectuals

For the record, I’m not an Atheist. Never have been. People assume because of the language I use in common discussion, as well as here as THE Ruthless Wonder, and my usual manner of addressing everyone with venom that I am. Common mistake, but routed in a logical place. Why do I say logical? Because you don’t usually expect my at times vicious take down of everyone including religious types to come from someone who is also a believer. We’ll talk about me and my beliefs later. Let’s talk about a rising tide of ignorance that has been getting to me for a minute. I’ve had to delete or unfollow or unsubscribe from a lot of youtubers, twitter folks, and general content producers lately. Both American and International. The biggest of these is Sargon of Akkad. And all for the same reason. Racism.

Now I’m not talking about petty shit here. I’m not talking about disagreement on whether rap music has artistic value, or because they disagree with Obama policies. I’ve said before I don’t often find Obama’s brand of governance in line with my own political thoughts(I am an Imperialist who believes in the reinstatement of Spoils of War after all). No I’m talking about the statements they make. Or the ignorance they’ve shown. Sargon I personally have let slide a lot longer. His gaming channel was free of a lot of his political thoughts so I was fine with keeping it around, and on top of that I found and find a lot of his thoughts on the modern versions of older movements like feminism a good and introspective look. Plus not being from the US I made allowances for not getting the different issues we deal with here.

What I cannot excuse is the amount of time this has gone on. So I got rid of Armoured Skeptic, The Amazing Atheist, and all the rest I tossed him. Which lead me really looking in on other folks among my various social media groupings. Because oddly enough atheist does not exclude racist. You might remember I had a soundcloud exclusive on hipster racism. What people may not know is that came from initially questioning a friend who is an atheist but seemed unwilling or unable to recognize the race and class issues in the US. It happens far more than I like. I personally look to Atheists for rational discussion of topics that religious folks tend to get too superstitious and emotional about. Technology, human rights, equality and equity, things of that nature are just generally more progressive in thought when discussed with people who get what humanity has become.

But as I have noticed, the same is coming to these supposed bastions of logic and intellect. Why? I’m sure for a lot of reasons, but I’ll give you what I’ve noticed. Saying you’re an Atheist is a lot like saying you’re vegan these days. A badge of social honor that is your way of putting yourself ahead of those with different beliefs. The agnostics among my friends don’t have the same vitrol for the deeply religious, or even the alternative structure of faith folks like myself. Tell someone who is vegan you hate PETA is like telling these people you go to church on Sundays. Why? Because many who lead things for these groups are simply put the same kind of proselytizers they decry. They are out to convert you at the tip of their twitter fingers to their secret truth. But when we talk about race, we have a problem.

You’ll notice I said just race. Because often these are also feminists. We’ll get to the secret truth of the feminist universe another time. I only have eyes for the racism today. What is racism in 2016? Calling any black Cosplayer ghetto versions of the character. Using racial stereotypes in memes. Applauding the sale of George Zimmerman’s gun. Hating on Beyonce. Excusing the use of Nigga or Nigger by anyone because it is in hip hop lyrics. Ignoring the centuries of overt racial issues and their impact on American society. Voting for Donald Trump. Certainly any of these could be, or could not be based on who you talk to. But let’s just get to it. Amazing Atheist attacked Tommy Sotomayor repeatedly and with the cosign of one of the groups that most hates me, by using watermelon jokes, and other racist dog whistles from America’s past all with the protection of other atheists.

Christopher Hitchens, Patron douche of Atheists, has done the same. But this isn’t about the big names, it is about the small ones. Ones I’m purposefully not detailing in this piece. It is one thing to have an opinion. I’m fine with that. We make this site based on that. It is another thing entirely to let that excuse all the other toxic bullshit spewed out. I’ve had to take a moment to calm myself more than once because a longtime friend comes out as a racist. Or doesn’t get that what they just said is racist. Recently, an atheist couple I know was posting all manner of stuff on their wall. Tons of kid pics and memes old and new. I was about to hit that unfollow so I don’t get as many updates. When I went to do that though, I noticed a post that had a ton of comments on it. Comments about the traditionally black and lower income area of their town. While I would expect someone who has dealt with the problems of being in that income bracket right out of college to have been the ones working against the comments about the people who live there that was not the case. I deleted them both and blocked them immediately.

And this isn’t the first time I’ve been in this position. WDDIJ and of course my personal social media is littered with examples. We all make mistakes, and mine at times is giving people who have one set of beliefs the doubt on others. I’ve seen black atheists defend the racism of white atheists and clearly the reason is because they want keep that cred and connection. But the reality is, iron sharpens iron. If you want to be true to your beliefs you should challenge the mentality of people who bring that toxic thought process in. I don’t let Christians off the hook for precisely that reason. I don’t let Black people off the hook for precisely that reason. The name is there for a reason. And how could I be Ruthless to any group if I don’t turn that critical eye in on the ones I belong to? Consider this piece a warm up. I’m not even close to full speed yet. But if you think Atheists are free of racists I invite you to look at how they talk about Black and/or Latino men. I invite you to have a gander at what they say about black women into Asian cultural aesthetics, the white women who date interracially, the names they call black women they are interested in, the way they deal with very obvious and well known American cultural issues. If you find yourself wondering if that was over the line, it probably was. And I could keep going on but, Words Don’t Do It Justice!

THE Ruthless Wonder

Mom

Posted by :TheRuthlessWonder On : May 8, 2016
0

Category: Blogging, Commentary, Dreams, Faith, Life, Parenting, Philosophy, Purpose, THE Ruthless Wonder, Weekend With Ruthless, Words Don't Do It Justice: Weekend Edition, Writing

Random church pic with Mom. Sometimes you dont need a special occasion.

Random church pic with Mom. Sometimes you don’t need a special occasion.

If you’re reading this. It is the future. I’m writing to you from the past. Who knows how long I’ll be on the shelf with this illness, but I wanted to get this written down in time to go up on Mother’s Day just in case.

She loved coming to Florida for this. Still doesn't want to move there though.

She loved coming to Florida for this. Still doesn’t want to move there though.

Mother’s Day

People often have a opinion of the holiday that is steeped in one of two things. An unabashed love of it and their Mother, or a deep avoidance of it because of their Mother. I fall oddly enough in both categories. Some of you know why more than others. When people naturally assume I’m talking about the woman in all the photos of my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood constantly referred to as my Mom, they wonder how I can have ill feelings towards her. Like every child, at some point I got mad about not being allowed to do or get something (usually my way), but I assure you that is not what I’m talking about here. I’m in both categories because as is the case for kids like me, I know the fundamental difference between me and most of you. As many people constantly post the sonograms of their upcoming children, the poems about their mothers and how they were carried 9 months and all that, and inevitably the “she knew me before I knew myself” based reflections, I get angry.

Let me explain.

I get angry because I know, sort of, the woman who did that. I know her in my features, my skin tone, my likely genetically passed along diseases (thanks for the diabetes). I don’t know her face other than what exists in my own. I don’t know her voice other than what markers her and my father passed along to me. And that makes me angry every year at this time. Right along side knowing that I was easy to cast aside. But another anger rises in me. I am angry for the woman who has loved, cared for, scolded, taught, cried over and with, cheered on, and supported me from the moment she saw my face. Because she had to find me. Because she and my Dad had to look for me. Because I wasn’t theirs to begin with.

If you thought she was happy when I got my JD, imagine her watching me get sworn in by a Judge I've known since I was 13, at the second coolest courthouse in Kansas City, with nothing but friends and family around.

If you thought she was happy when I got my JD, imagine her watching me get sworn in by a Judge I’ve known since I was 13, at the second coolest courthouse in Kansas City, with nothing but friends and family around.

In movies, because well I always relate things to something easy, you often find a character who is secretly someone else entirely has odd differences in their mannerisms, looks and the like from their family and finding out why is some deep secret from the family’s pandora’s box. I’ve always known why. I’m adopted. I could say it is easier to handle sticking out when you know why, but I’d be lying. Knowing your extreme light complexion black parents are not passing it on to you so you look darker in every photo? I know the reason. Knowing your siblings from your father’s past relationships are all substantially taller than you, and you’ll probably never get there? I know the reason. And those are the superficial issues. The hard stuff is much darker. I won’t get you too deep in that existential nightmare, but hold the rails as I dip your toes in.

Wondering if your parents really love you or if they might send you away because you aren’t really their kid they just chose to have you around? I know the reason for that fear and it started at age 5.

Get out of that pool folks it only gets darker from there.

So while some of my anger is from not being wanted by the woman who gave birth to me, a lot of it is from not being born my Mom’s son. Knowing that somewhere deep in her mind just like in mine we hurt for the same reason, that we had to find each other. That her and my Dad had to go through paperwork, lawyers, judges, an apparently heartbroken foster mom, and state agencies as well as everyone who represented my birth mother’s family just to get me into their lives so I could have the beautiful dream ending that you seriously only hear about in movies. You might wonder why that inspires anger and not joy, happiness, or many other positives emotions. Well it does. But I started with anger so you’d get why the highs are so high.

I said at the top I’m in both categories. The flame of my anger has, admittedly, dimmed a bit, as I just stopped caring about all but the fact that my parents are the ones who love and raised me. Who were there for all the tiny moments and the towering ones. But the anger category was never so powerful as to overshadow the joy. Better said the anger fueled even more joy. How so? Let’s dream out the other side of that dark pool from earlier for a moment shall we? I don’t wonder did my parents want to have me around. I know they did because of all that to get me here. I have verifiable, legally documented, state stamped proof that by the sheer force of will of my parents I became Matthew Elisha Williams (My name is, in the end, rather telling). I take pride in my name and the meaning of my name. Not because it is so American that eagles should come flying out from behind me while Jimi Hendrix plays the Star Spangled Banner every time it is said or I walk into a room. But because, quite literally, it is the story of how I came to be.

Not the same as when we had season tickets for the Chiefs, but we both loved being back to Arrowhead for some football. GO LINCOLN!

Not the same as when we had season tickets for the Chiefs, but we both loved being back to Arrowhead for some football. GO LINCOLN!

So when I look at my Mother, now enjoying retirement, reading books, but sadly dealing with the complications of having MS effecting one of her legs I have a towering joy. That woman chose me. Every child that was available for adoption in 1982 was available. Every single one, and instead of all of them, me. That’s a powerful thing to know. That’s a powerful memory to hold in your heart and mind when things get bad. I know, because I have. I let her pick what we do with Mother’s day every year. Some years I didn’t have the money to buy her gifts so I wrote for her. Some years the gift doesn’t arrive on time. No matter what though, I give thanks for her. I take a moment every chance I get to remind her I love her, to say thank you, and on days like Mother’s Day additionally make sure she knows I care. Because, as I often say, my parents are my favorite super heroes, always have been, always will be. So I make sure to honor the one I still get to see whenever I want. The cliché ending would be “take a moment and talk to your Mom, think about your Mom, or go see your Mom.” I wouldn’t dare presume that you only have the bright side of the journey I just took you on. Instead I’ll end by saying no matter what your situation, no matter your relationship with your Mother, take a moment for yourself. Reflect on who you are. If that reflection leads you to a positive place about your Mother, take some time for and or with her. If that reflection leads you to a negative place about your Mother, take some time to honor who you became in spite of that relationship. I could say more, but Words Don’t Do Mom Justice!

Happy Mother’s Day!

11935022_10100494761172109_2325945561290195190_n

Way back when Mom at my side, and my uncle standing in where my father would have if he had still been alive.

 –  THE Ruthless Wonder

 

P.S. shoutout to the soon to be Moms that are also big time WDDIJ Superfans Jessica Thomas and Danielle Baron-Anders(or Anders nee Baron, Luv ya but I have no idea what you decided on last name)

The WRATH of Ruthless: Ruthless On Relationships

Posted by :TheRuthlessWonder On : March 29, 2016
0

Category: Commentary, Digital Age, Relationships, Ruthless On Relationships, THE Ruthless Wonder, The Wrath of Ruthless

THE Ruthless Wonder flies solo for a discussion of relationships and attraction.

Remember you can download the episode from the link below as well as listen directly on Sound Cloud.

Don’t forget to check out our Storefront on Tee Public and support the podcasts and this website by buying a shirt, tank, hoodie, kids shirt, baseball tee, or phone case.

https://www.teepublic.com/user/314publishing

Check out our current Shirt and cases designs. Buy one now while you wait for more. Click the photo to go straight to the store!

Change…as inevitable as flow of time.

Posted by :TheRuthlessWonder On : March 21, 2016
0

Category: Advice, Blogging, Commentary, Digital Age, THE Ruthless Wonder

 

Enjoy a little music to get you in the right mindset for this post. I know it helped me write it. Mostly because as I often do, I knew this was coming, but was working to prevent it. But let’s get to the heart of the matter shall we?

 

Things Change

cropped-wordsdontdoit2-1.jpg

When you look at your various relationships in life you can usually see a point where things between you an a person shift. They change. Not always for the worse. Not always in unmanageable ways. Your high school friends, college friends, and co-worker friends are often times entirely different. And as you take the hard look back, you know you aren’t the same. Part of that is adolescents’ brains haven’t fully developed into what they will be yet so you have not quite all you, transitional you, and of course complete you. Still though, the ones who stuck around are aware of your changes as well as their own, and are okay with it. Close friends, the ones we walk through our darkest moments with, participate in the give and take of change willingly. And in the end we do the same for them.

In our romantic relationships the same is not always able to be said. If the American divorce stats can be any sort of barometer for the success rate of romantic relationships you have about as good a chance of change being too much for you and your partner as you do it being a lifelong success. And that’s not a bad thing. Because change on the face of it, cannot be a bad thing. It is all about what kind of change is coming. I relearned this lesson back in January at the end of a relationship that was early in the process. So early I’m comfortable saying that it was no one’s fault, but our own collective fault for not noticing it earlier. I say earlier but I really only mean about a month. 2 months, that’s all we pulled off before it was over. Because we weren’t in the places to make it work. 10 years ago, at 23(at the time) I wouldn’t have made the decisions I made as fast. I would have been unhappy and resentful but still dating her. Now, I’ve changed fast enough to just cut it off before we both are over invested.

Change is helpful

10488866_2118314119637_1701766145_nWhen we think about change in the negative, we often judge first. I think often times because we want everything in life to be positive. But that isn’t reality. And it isn’t helpful. Sometimes negative change is more helpful than positive change. How? Think on this. If a friend of yours you notice is drinking way too often, maybe starting to abuse a prescription, or getting too into party drugs and risky activities. You treat it as the problem it is and try to help your friend. That outward change though, is often the expression of a much more internal issue. And as someone who’s helped someone deal with a substance abuse problem, I can tell you that was the hardest part was helping him confront the underlying issue. But that never would have happened if we didn’t see the change that was happening for what it was, a need for help.

Negative changes can also be helpful in a more direct way. Some of the people who are around you are not good for you. Whether that is outright open hostility, or just negative comments behind your back, they are holding you back from who you can be. It isn’t even a selfish act, some people just don’t realize what they are doing effects you as it does. So they need to be gotten away from. And you can realize that as you see their negative change grow. Maybe you keep them around based on who they were. Maybe you don’t agree with the new them, but believe in the old them. If you can bear it talk to them first, but otherwise get out of the crosshairs.

Everyone changes

Just a reminder where we started.

Just a reminder where we started.

Sure everyone changes, you know that. But sometimes it is hard to notice that we are the change that is negative, or the change that needs to be gotten away from. That is all a part of the process of growing. In the modern world we may be losing something from that. What do I mean? Look at the pressure for young people in general (13 to 25) to keep their lives online as much as offline. If you were born in 1990, You have spent every year you could properly encapsulate ideas with social media platforms. Where your life online is just as important as offline. And that has consequences. You don’t lose touch anymore, you basically can’t without actually choosing to. I had the great pleasure recently of reconnecting with someone I hadn’t talked to since I was in elementary school. Let me back up. I ran into a extremely different version of me’s elementary school buddy. Brief words exchanged before we had to get on to what we were doing, but still an old friend none the less. That was followed by facebook friending, following each other on twitter, and stuff like that. Things we never knew were going to happen way back when.

But for most who knew college Matt, much less, high school, middle school, and elementary Matt, they’ve passed out into the ether. That used to be fine with all of us. You carried one or two friends from your old neighborhood into adulthood but most friends came from elsewhere. It was a free pass on the last part of change. The change that happens when you realize you have to stop being around certain people and let the link fade away. Now more than before, that is something that we have to constantly keep stock in. Something that is the genesis of buzz feed articles and memes about getting rid of racist friends or ones who don’t share your political beliefs. But even that change, is good in small doses only. You need people who challenge you, not antagonize you.

I make a point of talking about having ardent atheists, anarchists, communists, socialists, libertarians, tea partiers, democrats, republicans, Jews, Mormons(shoutout to Brett Peterson), and others in my list of friends. Having people of many different ethnic classifications, and certainly the most divisive, people of different musical tastes as friends. The ones I still consider friends are that because they are different, they challenge me, but they aren’t disrespectful or antagonistic towards me. Me as most of them know, is a complex subject. Challenging me as THE Ruthless Wonder, is not the same as me personally. If we disagree, often it is more to do with me here than me they have a drink or catch a flick with. And everyone is fine with that. In your life you need to think about the same. Are the people who are around you challenging you? Because that helps you grow and become better. Or are they antagonizing you? Because that isn’t okay, it doesn’t help you, and friends even in disagreement should help each other change. I leave you to your evaluation.

Finally,

placeholderAnd as you know change comes to things you love. Like US! You know I only give you a taste normally, but we’re going to be giving you a bit more info that usual.

Weekends Don’t Do It Justice writer Reason has and will be on break for very important school related stuff for a while. But while she’s out, I’ve been working on things. And by the time she gets back, her serial stories will be the crown jewel of the new Weekends Don’t Do It Justice Site which is easy to find at www.wkndlife.com

The launch was delayed most due to some internal things that were taking a while. Over there you’ll find music, movie, literary, TV, webseries, and other reviews, as well as some gaming related material material. The casual to our hardcore, I’m really excited about what is coming there. Give us about a week or so and we’ll be up and running over there.

There is more coming, more changes, more evolution, more growth, but as always Words Don’t Do It Justice!

THE Ruthless Wonder