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It’s Been A Long Time… I Shouldn’a Left You…

I promise, I only left because… because… let me do this right. 

I’d love to say that I left because our Ruthless Leader decided to take a different path, but that would be a lie; I was mostly MIA quite a while before that happened. Y’all know I’m not much for lies, duplicity, or feigning optimism, so I’m going to apologize in advance if I shatter any false ideas you’ve cultivated over the years. The simple version is that I was pulling my life together. Unfortunately, the simple version never quite does it for me, so here we go:

I was busy being depressed. I couldn’t keep telling you to “Do More. Require Better.” when I barely wanted to do anything at all. I’ve been open about my depression, specifically because of what I believe to be my 50 percent, but I haven’t been open about how useless and ineffective the proverbial voices in my head tell me my writing is. I recognize that maybe once upon a time I had a legitimate following  before I started slipping. I also understand, or believe, that in all things, there must be balance. My depression makes it so I can’t see how anything I do means anything. Regardless of my efforts, there will still be pain, suffering, malice, disease, famine, poverty, discord, racism, sexism, and all other forms of unpleasantness. I was left asking “What is any of this for?” The only logical answer I could find: “Naught.”

So what’s a Reign O’Change to do?  I certainly couldn’t keep writing things I no longer believed. There was no Change on the horizon. I was incapable of believing that Justice would actually prevail. Thus, I stopped. It really wasn’t a conscious decision. I kept thinking, “I’ll come back to this one…” or “this issue doesn’t need my voice…” and “Do I really want be one more person blogging about Donamir Trutin’s ineptitude?” Lots of things to write about, but no drive to lend my energy to what seemed like yet another unwinnable battle.

So why are we here today? We’re here because I lost a friend. He’s still very much alive. He’s just not invited to the table anymore. Now, let me be clear: this young man literally came to the cookout. He brought deviled eggs and they were delicious. He tried to teach me how to play HALO. I promoted his craft as a Tattoo Artist. I defended him in public forum against an overzealous supervisor. So when I tell you “I lost a friend.” I mean I lost someone who I thought would be a permanent resident in the complex place that is my heart. How? It all started because of this story I shared on Facebook.

Truth be told, I didn’t even read the article. I figured the least I could do was continue conversing about things Requiring conversation. It’s yet another example of Hollywood deciding that Brown people are better represented by artificially tanned white people.  #RepresentationMatters is a battle cry for those of us who remain unseen and misrepresented by the media. How was I supposed to know it would devolve into “a friend” accusing me of hating white people. If anyone had told me that he would conclude that I was one step away from being a terrorist, I’d have laughed them to scorn. We had Jon Snowed our way through our friendship: we knew nothing about each other.

In my anger, I wrote this entire post, and in doing so, I realized that I needed to come back. That should’ve been–and might still end up being–an addition to The Letter Series. It could’ve been a head-first dive into Decorum Deficiency Disorder. I would’ve gotten so many more hits and shares if only I hadn’t forgotten the purpose of my mission.

#DoMoreRequireBetter is about me doing my #50percent more often and better. So, here’s how this is going to work: I’m back. I’m not mincing words, holding hands, faking the funk, or coddling Anyone. I won’t promise to be here every week, but I’ll be here with all the passion and vigor I can muster… because the conversations still need to be had. We will #RESIST and continue #NotBackingDown because the Cheeto in Chief has earned my wrath. In short: I’m here to Do More & Require Better.

And now we come to…the end of an era

Today, oddly enough was supposed to be the pay off FINALLY for a number of posts about relationships that I thought might be better than all my previous ruthless on relationships post. And indeed I’ll get to that later.

 

Instead,

Today is a day I bring us to a place I knew could happen, but was happy every time it didn’t. Today we end the hour for the last time. What do I mean? Today is the beginning of a goodbye party. For this blog. Oh it will continue to exist, but a transition is afoot. And so with all transitions, some things remain the same, while other change or are left behind.

If you would have told me 3 years ago as I was studying for the bar that we would be here I would be shocked. But if you would have told me that we would get here after 450 thousand views I’d also be shocked so much attention happened. Words Don’t Do It Justice started as an idea, a bit of fun, and a lot of me. I have buried hatchets with enemies because of this blog, reconnected with old friends, and made new ones because of this blog, found meaning in the midst of my own personal depression because of this place. I have consumed it, and let it consume me. I love it. But loving this blog means knowing what to do. And taking a good long look I know the thing to do is let it go.

But I said this was transition not destruction.

And indeed it is. I’ll be taking Words Don’t Do It Justice away from our blogging past into a show based future. For me, the question was one of logistics. Was it better to end everything and walk away from these years of effort, or find a way to keep the place alive in the hearts of all of you who have supported us? I choose to believe that you will keep supporting us, and I chose to keep this place alive in a new way.

That means giving you what we planned. Give No Quarter, The Wrath of Ruthless, and Words Don’t Do It Justice are the three pillars of Ruthless Radio. 3 shows with different formats that bring you many of the topics you might see written about here, but in a new form and with some new and old faces/voices. Over the next few weeks as we ready to for the relaunch of Words Don’t Do It Justice as a podcast, you’ll get to read some farewells from various alums, and hear from the incoming folks for these shows. You’ll also see the Words Don’t Do It Justice site itself undergo various changes. With plenty of hard work, luck, and you listening in, I hope to earn your trust for these new shows, and continue to hold our interest.

SO! What about Weekend’s Don’t Do It Justice?

Well I’m happy to say our little casual interest site is growing well. And it is going to continue. We had a nice response to the sample chapter from Project 13, and now that game of thrones is done you’ll see a lot of other reviews, news, and related content there. Our gamers are doing their thing, and if Vantinel’s CEO appearance is any indication of commitment, we will only continue to grow over there.

As I end for now I just want to say thank you, and of course to keep watching what we do. But more than that, thank you for being a force for us. We continued to push because you were there with us. 100,000 visitors, 450,000 views, and 3 years of growth, While things must change, I am glad to have made it to this point. A point that let’s me look back and say that YOU made us more than I imagined. And though Words Don’t Do It Justice…Thank you.

 

“THE Ruthless Wonder” Matthew Elisha Williams

Founder of Words Don’t Do It Justice

When your enemies go to war, you win?

law (1)

Let’s skip the pleasant notions here. I’ve said before that the man who got me through the bar both times was Jonathan Grossman and the woman who gave me a great plan was Kaci Line. And there is a reason for that. My bar essay class. A mandatory bar prep course we had my very last semester, was taught by one of the subjects of this piece, and frankly was horrid. His reposting of Daughters of the Confederacy videos aside, his incorrect information, unfocused technique, and frankly annoying teaching method are what I’m addressing here as his part in this. Barry and their part…well you’ve already read how I feel about my law school’s administration and faculty before. No one should be surprised.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/education/os-barry-lawsuit-gender-discrimination-story.html

Yes this is what we are going to talk about.

Yes this is what we are going to talk about.

The War on Men

I’m going to call this now. Because I both expect this to get to the MRAs of the world, and because I expect chaos to follow. This will branch out beyond the community involved into a Feminist v. MRA/MGTOW discussion of equality. How for the MRA this represents women getting a taste of their own medicine, and for the Feminist this is proof of entitlement. Just remember I called this now. Me. THE Ruthless Wonder. Now let’s get to it.

The Fault in our Bars

If you didn’t take the time to read the article above I’ll sum it up. David Mourey is the former person in charge of helping students pass the bar at Barry Law where I attended from 2010 to 2013. He was not the only one in charge. But at the end of his time it was on his shoulders. You may have noticed I don’t have a positive opinion of him. That’s for good reason. As a student who was not planning to take the Florida bar I felt he was uninterested in properly preparing myself, and the other students in the same boat for our versions of the exam. What do I mean? I had him for the out of state bar essay class. Having us look up the exact essay structure for our state is a smart idea. What isn’t a smart idea is then having us all do the exact same essays no matter what our structure was. I took a UBE exam, so I had 6, 30 minute essays. I was given hour long essay exams every class. Florida did not use the MPT format essays that are the second part of my exam’s essay format. Guess what we never even talked about much less did.

Now that’s on him. The class though. That’s on Barry. You readers who are also attorneys know full well most schools don’t have required bar prep. Barry had bar prep that wasn’t required, then became pass fail but essay was optional for out of state folks, and then mandatory but pass fail for my class, then graded. That’s right, grades for bar prep. Be angry. At the same time, as I said, they’ve gotten rid of the people who helped get the passage rate high. Kaci Line, gone. Jonathan Grossman, gone. But they expected the same to happen, that these people were replaceable. That as long as they kept pushing bar prep it would net higher scores. You can already see the problem right? It is the combination of amazing teaching skill, and the personal student investment that made things work. By making more and more of the admittedly cutting edge approach to bar prep a mandatory slog for the students it made the potential effectiveness drop like a rock. But it wasn’t all their fault.

Enemy of my enemy

The current situation then sounds like a great thing for me right? The monsters are fighting each other, I’m far from the fallout, and this shouldn’t effect anything I’m doing. You’re wrong, but I’m glad you’re still so hopeful after reading WDDIJ this long. The problem for me and thousands of other graduates of Barry Law is this is happening all the time. From law professors who send out emails to every single student faculty and alumni calling the people who failed the bar idiots. To students including the son of the Dean of the law school calling Karen Civil all manner of racial slurs. To the Barry Law CFO Arrested for Embezzlement. All the usual low tier law school jokes. All the professors who’ve escaped to better jobs. The location jokes. I could go on and on about this. You get the point though right? These things playing out in the general public and over on places like Above the law make it worse on grads like myself. And that’s before we get to Barry grads themselves being unprofessional on social media when speaking to alums and others. Usually I’d be fine with this because “either something at Barry would have the potential to change, or at least someone might get something they deserve,” would be my mindset. Not so here.

For myself, and many grads like me there is no winner. Either the school survives this, and uses it as a catalyst to keep the same people in power who’ve made regression the name of the game. Or David Mourey gets rewarded by the courts for what should be laughed at. Listen, I’m all for men having the ability to say there was gender discrimination in the workplace when there are no men in power positions and their termination and treatment has a clear basis in their being male. I’m all for looking at the systemic issues of a 70% female and majority culture administration and what potentially that means to men and women of color. I’ll even let you slide on the idea that there are more factors than the bar prep style and structure at Barry that caused these last few classes to have such low rates. But what I won’t do, what I refuse to do, is give a pass to man who’s job at Barry law was bar prep, and straight up and down wasn’t good at it. Harsh words? Maybe, but honest commentary on the subject. There isn’t a concerned Barry alumni group because everything is fine. It exists because of what has gone on. And continues to go on.

Solutions

I wish I had a magic pill for this. If I thought anything other than complete change in administrative culture and approach to what should be the most lauded and publicized program at the school was needed I’d say it. If I thought somehow I could personally help solve the problem I would offer that in a second. The reality is I care so much about my school and the place it holds in the public eye that I am disgusted by all this. The reality is both sides are behaving like children. One trying to blame “Dem Uppity Womenfolk.” The other ignoring reality for their own pointlessly stubborn and clearly ineffective approach. There are no winners here. Perhaps if the school really committed to righting the ship. Hired back the folks that made it work. Really addressed issues like the out of state exam takers. Removed attendance requirements. Rolled part of the bar prep companies folks are using into the program. Let people who aren’t planning to take the bar immediately, opt out of the classes. And yes, hire staff to handle things like reading the essays so they are graded by people who have graded the bar exam somewhere. Instead of students or current faculty. Maybe with that there would be a change to things. The school would look better. At least on this front. Those other things take more work. I could probably put together a whole plan for that. But you know…Words Don’t Do it Justice!

– THE Ruthless Wonder

Class of 2013

Secret Truth of the Universe: Racist Atheists

Where am I?

You’re on Words Don’t Do It Justice…

How did I get here?

Man, who knows. Sometimes you surprise even me.

Where is everybody?

Again, you tell me. You’ve been gone a very long time…

Yes. Too long. 

Now what do we say to the people who say you’ve quit?

“Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.”

And what do we say to Reign as she goes on vacation?

“HOLD THE DOOR!”

 

So, Reign is taking a break for a couple weeks after holding things together while I dealt with what I can only call the most annoying illness I have ever had. Between all the doctor visits, the ER trips, the medicines, the follow ups, the cutting, the blood, the…you get the point. I’ve been away. In return I told her to relax and let me handle things. We have a lot of reloading to do around here, but until then. I’ve got a series for you. I call this, “Secret Truth of The Universe” and we’ll be dealing with a few segments of modern society who you wonderful readers have been telling me to address for a long time. I often say people get so into certain ideas they treat it like a secret truth of the universe when they tell you about it. First up, as you may have noticed is Racist Atheists. So let’s get to it!

 

Racist Anti-Religious Pseudo-intellectuals

For the record, I’m not an Atheist. Never have been. People assume because of the language I use in common discussion, as well as here as THE Ruthless Wonder, and my usual manner of addressing everyone with venom that I am. Common mistake, but routed in a logical place. Why do I say logical? Because you don’t usually expect my at times vicious take down of everyone including religious types to come from someone who is also a believer. We’ll talk about me and my beliefs later. Let’s talk about a rising tide of ignorance that has been getting to me for a minute. I’ve had to delete or unfollow or unsubscribe from a lot of youtubers, twitter folks, and general content producers lately. Both American and International. The biggest of these is Sargon of Akkad. And all for the same reason. Racism.

Now I’m not talking about petty shit here. I’m not talking about disagreement on whether rap music has artistic value, or because they disagree with Obama policies. I’ve said before I don’t often find Obama’s brand of governance in line with my own political thoughts(I am an Imperialist who believes in the reinstatement of Spoils of War after all). No I’m talking about the statements they make. Or the ignorance they’ve shown. Sargon I personally have let slide a lot longer. His gaming channel was free of a lot of his political thoughts so I was fine with keeping it around, and on top of that I found and find a lot of his thoughts on the modern versions of older movements like feminism a good and introspective look. Plus not being from the US I made allowances for not getting the different issues we deal with here.

What I cannot excuse is the amount of time this has gone on. So I got rid of Armoured Skeptic, The Amazing Atheist, and all the rest I tossed him. Which lead me really looking in on other folks among my various social media groupings. Because oddly enough atheist does not exclude racist. You might remember I had a soundcloud exclusive on hipster racism. What people may not know is that came from initially questioning a friend who is an atheist but seemed unwilling or unable to recognize the race and class issues in the US. It happens far more than I like. I personally look to Atheists for rational discussion of topics that religious folks tend to get too superstitious and emotional about. Technology, human rights, equality and equity, things of that nature are just generally more progressive in thought when discussed with people who get what humanity has become.

But as I have noticed, the same is coming to these supposed bastions of logic and intellect. Why? I’m sure for a lot of reasons, but I’ll give you what I’ve noticed. Saying you’re an Atheist is a lot like saying you’re vegan these days. A badge of social honor that is your way of putting yourself ahead of those with different beliefs. The agnostics among my friends don’t have the same vitrol for the deeply religious, or even the alternative structure of faith folks like myself. Tell someone who is vegan you hate PETA is like telling these people you go to church on Sundays. Why? Because many who lead things for these groups are simply put the same kind of proselytizers they decry. They are out to convert you at the tip of their twitter fingers to their secret truth. But when we talk about race, we have a problem.

You’ll notice I said just race. Because often these are also feminists. We’ll get to the secret truth of the feminist universe another time. I only have eyes for the racism today. What is racism in 2016? Calling any black Cosplayer ghetto versions of the character. Using racial stereotypes in memes. Applauding the sale of George Zimmerman’s gun. Hating on Beyonce. Excusing the use of Nigga or Nigger by anyone because it is in hip hop lyrics. Ignoring the centuries of overt racial issues and their impact on American society. Voting for Donald Trump. Certainly any of these could be, or could not be based on who you talk to. But let’s just get to it. Amazing Atheist attacked Tommy Sotomayor repeatedly and with the cosign of one of the groups that most hates me, by using watermelon jokes, and other racist dog whistles from America’s past all with the protection of other atheists.

Christopher Hitchens, Patron douche of Atheists, has done the same. But this isn’t about the big names, it is about the small ones. Ones I’m purposefully not detailing in this piece. It is one thing to have an opinion. I’m fine with that. We make this site based on that. It is another thing entirely to let that excuse all the other toxic bullshit spewed out. I’ve had to take a moment to calm myself more than once because a longtime friend comes out as a racist. Or doesn’t get that what they just said is racist. Recently, an atheist couple I know was posting all manner of stuff on their wall. Tons of kid pics and memes old and new. I was about to hit that unfollow so I don’t get as many updates. When I went to do that though, I noticed a post that had a ton of comments on it. Comments about the traditionally black and lower income area of their town. While I would expect someone who has dealt with the problems of being in that income bracket right out of college to have been the ones working against the comments about the people who live there that was not the case. I deleted them both and blocked them immediately.

And this isn’t the first time I’ve been in this position. WDDIJ and of course my personal social media is littered with examples. We all make mistakes, and mine at times is giving people who have one set of beliefs the doubt on others. I’ve seen black atheists defend the racism of white atheists and clearly the reason is because they want keep that cred and connection. But the reality is, iron sharpens iron. If you want to be true to your beliefs you should challenge the mentality of people who bring that toxic thought process in. I don’t let Christians off the hook for precisely that reason. I don’t let Black people off the hook for precisely that reason. The name is there for a reason. And how could I be Ruthless to any group if I don’t turn that critical eye in on the ones I belong to? Consider this piece a warm up. I’m not even close to full speed yet. But if you think Atheists are free of racists I invite you to look at how they talk about Black and/or Latino men. I invite you to have a gander at what they say about black women into Asian cultural aesthetics, the white women who date interracially, the names they call black women they are interested in, the way they deal with very obvious and well known American cultural issues. If you find yourself wondering if that was over the line, it probably was. And I could keep going on but, Words Don’t Do It Justice!

THE Ruthless Wonder

Story Time: The Price of Being Conscious

It’s a strange thing being “conscious.” I don’t generally consider myself conscious becauseof the connotation. For example, I was trying to decide whether I was going to address the Trans Allyanti trans issue or the Lemonade mini movie–which I still haven’t seen. Initially, I decided on the trans issue because going out of my way to give any performer my attention… it just isn’t that important. The trans issue, on the other hand, I haven’t addressed beyond my disgust over the new Miss Jenner’s claiming the woman of the year award. Yesterday, I had an epiphany: the trans issue doesn’t need my voice. Of course the issue is important, I simply feel like especially because I have that bias as it pertains to one having been born a woman and having to suffer the several indignities that come with going through puberty as an adolescent girl, I feel like speaking from my perspective isn’t where it should be. I remember a little over a year ago when the Geek Street Radio crew were preparing to do an episode addressing LGBTQ* issues. We didn’t have enough representation and I felt uncomfortable being listed as a primary speaker. It’s like when white people speak on the Black experience. Even as allies, they’re speaking from a place of privilege and haven’t had to deal with the indignities that come with being Black. The same reason Black people are often offended by White people who appoint themselves champions of the Black community. I didn’t want to be one of those… and I still don’t.

Here’s what I will say: The issue is important. Trans gendered people deserve the same dignities and rights as cisgengered people.Trans No One Cared Creating legislation that makes it easy for ignorant people to discriminate against transgender men and women is in direct opposition to the values that are supposed to be dear to the hearts and minds of all Americans. It’s unconstitutional and shouldn’t be allowed to stand. Once upon a time Black people were legally considered less than human. We’re still fighting for our equal rights, so what’s adding one more set of people to the list of communities requiring equal recognition under the law? How I… how any of us feels about people who diverge from the accepted norm is irrelevant.

In separate but related news…

I imagine that people who don’t care about anything are that kind of happy that everyone is hoping to acquire. The more I learn, the longer I live, the more I experience stuff, the further from happiness I feel myself getting. I honestly don’t understand how people manage to see other people’s struggle. I can’t see people dealing with injustice without at least wanting to join the protest. I want to be one of those people who can just live life completely unaffected by the suffering of others. I guess some things simply weren’t meant to be. I’ll just be one of those caring people who gets angry and impassioned on other’s behalf. It’s why I Do More & Require Better.

Story Time: Hood Mentality

It’s been a long time since I lived in the hood. Even when I lived in the hood, it wasn’t theG.Ma's House kind of hood that I had to look around and feel some kind of way about. I lived in an area of Brooklyn with mostly Caribbean home owners. They took pride in what was theirs; swept the sidewalks in front of their stoops, picked up litter and trash, made sure the block was clean after the garbage truck passed. The area I went to school in on the other hand was a different story. The common theme–the mentality–was “no one cares.” It’s the hood. It’s supposed to be dirty. People occasionally complained about how infrequently the garbage was collected or how the so-called street sweepers only wished the dirt around, but they never seemed to care enough to not drop trash on the ground in the first place.

I wish this was going to be one of those simple pieces where I point my finger at an issue, give a brief history lesson, and provide a clean solution. Unfortunately, this is one of those times where the issue goes so much deeper than simply “clean it up.” There’s something about the hood mentality that makes everything about being from the hood the kind of struggle that even hood people don’t really understand. It’s goes Aristotle and Kant deep. It’s knowing that the hood is set up to keep people down, thinking you’re beating the system because you’re “living well” in the hood, then seeing how people live outside the hood and having one of those #awkwardmomentwhen. It’s trying to describe how deep it is only to find that Words Don’t Do It Justice. Let’s see if I can put this into perspective.

ChevronI stopped for gas at a Chevron the other night. I knew I was in the hood, and as such I was appropriately cautious and carefully observed my surroundings. I was with friends, one of whom is an equally–if not more so–hood smart young man. He pumped the gas, I surveilled. There was a woman begging at the door to the convenience store and one or two other gas station patrons. What was I most bothered by? That all but 2 pumps were fully functional. It’s the hood. There are supposed to be poor people, drug addicts, and cantankerous arguing patrons. What I don’t accept is that a multi million dollar corporation would allow it’s gas pumps to remain in disrepair or be left empty for more than a few hours. East Point, GA is no less worthy of services than Buckhead. Corporations shouldn’t be allowed to treat their patrons differently just because of a zip code. I’ll go deeper.

When I mentioned that I was irritated, my friend assumed that it was because of the Homeless at Chevronbeggar by the door asking him for change repeatedly. I don’t think I explained then, but I’m not generally bothered by people begging. A closed mouth won’t get fed, whether what the body needs is a meal, a roof, or their favorite chemical alterant. I’d rather her be begging than out stealing or hurting herself for what she needs. I don’t know what circumstances lead her–or any other person–to that position, but it probably wasn’t part of their life’s plan. I have a hard time believing that anyone grows up striving to be homeless, a drug addict, or mentally ill. It happens, but I highly doubt that it was planned. I also wasn’t bothered by being in the hood. I come from a hood that probably isn’t very different from the hoods of Georgia, or any other hood for that matter. When I did explain that I was upset about the state of the gas station, his first reaction was to remind me that the hood mentality dictates that the people who live there don’t consider themselves to be worthy of “nice things.”

So here’s the thing: it’s hard to believe that you’re deserving of things like a fully functioning gas station when everything in the social construct tells you that because you didn’t get the good job you were told you’d get after college or after serving in whichever branch of the Armed Forces… because the job you did get barely pays enough to keep a roof over your head which also means your income is low and thus a you’re in a low tax bracket. Less tax contribution–by means of property taxes, not income–means less service (i.e. road maintenance, garbage collection, public school funding, etc.) The lesser services means the hood children don’t have access to the same standard of education that other children in more affluent neighborhoods do; larger class sizes taught by underpaid, stressed out, inattentive teachers… and even if the children get into college, the cycle often continues. But wait! There’s more. What happens to the kids who don’t make it into college? What happens to a child who has one or two working parents who are too busy trying to make ends meet and keep the utilities on? What happens to the kids who basically have to raise themselves because the adults in their lives are absent? What happens to the kid who only gets attention when they act out? What happens to the kid who gets convinced that his life isn’t valuable? What happens?

No one cares.

Do More. Require Better.

Story Time: Reign Writes – Me As A Writer

ShadowShadow Bolt Reigns, my adventurous puppy, gives me something other than myself to focus on. He forces me out of my head and away from the things that keep me mired in negativity. He nudges whatever he can reach, jumps onto my lap, tap dances on my back or chest (ouch!), and licks my face until I get up to fill whichever need he has, which sometimes is just a few moments of attention. Even now as I write this piece, it’s as if he’s thinking “She writes, therefore I must nudge.” All he’s doing is what comes to him naturally. He’s probably just being completely self-centered without a single thought of my actual feelings or my needs, but he has saved my life and my psyche at least once a week ever since the day he showed up in my life. He’s the  reason I’m still here to talk to you. He keeps me Doing More because he Requires my best.

On any given day, I have at least 5 pieces in progress. I start writing, I lose my thought, I go off on tangents, and end up either deleting whole chunks of text or copying and pasting into new pieces to be worked on when my mind finds its way back to a steady train of thought. This is my version of writer’s block. I have so much to say about so many things; police abuse of power, the attack in Pakistan, the attacks everywhere, being Black in a world that seems to hate Black people, depression, my depression, my family, my friends, the media, the election, the American people, lies and liars, my desperate wish that superheroes were real… so much and so many things I want to talk about, and I can’t Do any of It Justice because the Words are all there at the same time.

Right now, I’m mostly bothered by the way circumstances have changed me. I never wanted to see things through colored lenses. In spite of the kids making fun of my dark skin, the little white boys in Virginia who called me a nigger, the kids in Costa Rica calling me “elote negra” which I didn’t actually understand at the time, but I knew it wasn’t meant as a compliment… the scary big girl in my first predominantly black school saying that I wasn’t special; that I was “just anotha nigga like the rest of us” I’ve always wanted to believe in the bigger picture. You know, the one that sees that the reason the system is set up this way is because it works better for the top 10% if the rest of us are busy fighting and disagreeing with each other, we aren’t paying attention to them screwing us over with crappy wages, the ever-increasing cost of living, and the never-ending list of drugs and products meant to mask the symptoms of the very curable diseases they infected us with.

I just heard a great line–one of many–on Jerry McGuire:

First class is what’s wrong buddy. It used to mean a better meal, now it means a better life.

Have you seen that commercial with Jennifer Aniston?

For me, its a picture of everything that’s wrong with the world. This rich white lady’s Greedy whonightmare is flying on a plane that doesn’t have a shower or bar, while the rest of us are worrying about jobs that we might lose if we take a vacation, and that’s if the job pays enough to afford more than a staycation. I’ve never been a fan of Jennifer Aniston, and this ad, while it might be just another job for her, does nothing to sway my favor. The disconnect between the rich and the poor is beyond vast, and so much deeper than skin… but the tools of division are strong; too strong to ignore. So now I see things through my brown eyes. I experience the world through my skin, through my gender, through my heterosexual privilege. I see the biases. I see the isms. I see the media ignoring dead Pakistanis. I see a reality TV star using the fear and insecurities of ignorant Americans to ensure viewership for his next show. I see it all, and am overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of how well it is working.

I want to talk about it all, but I can barely focus on just one thing because it’s all connected. I feel like I’m not doing the other issues justice by not addressing all of them. It’s like I’m betraying my on mantra by only taking one issue at a time. I want to Do More and Require Better of my writing, and myself, because limiting myself to a world painted various shades of brown and white isn’t enough… and I’m still tired of the black perspective. The world is a big colorful place, and there’s a lot more wrong with it than race relations. I just wish I could Say more too.

Do More. Require Better. It’s not just about you. It’s about me and everything I do here too.