Back from the Brink

One of the things that comes up with folks I know well is that I often seem different to them than I do on here. That’s to be expected when those people actually know, respect, and like you. But the reality is I’m not all that different.Less openly abrasive? Probably. But then why would I care if you can’t tell the difference between normal conversation and specific, point driven writing? You should already know the answer unless you are brand new around here.

And so it was odd, but happy, to get the email I received yesterday. A friend of a friend had shared my stuff with someone, and they just so happened to go searching back through a lot of my old stuff. It turned out on of those times I said something serious was what they needed. And like I suggested he just sat down and had a chat with a friend and that has him in a better place. I don’t take credit for that, but it is like I said. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a chance to be normal. And sometimes the only way to do that is to sit yourself down and have a totally normal random conversation with a friend.

Here lately I’ve been traveling a lot while getting through a number of financial, physical, psychological, and well career setbacks that have cropped up. It hasn’t been easy. And my profile among friends and family is not something that makes it simpler. You can’t blog in hard-nosed fashion while getting the last bits of annoyance to practice law out of the way and expect to duck questions as to what’s wrong when you’re off your game.

But this particular weekend I purposefully lowered the drinking a bit, and upped the time I spent just taking it all in. I won’t say something as ludicrous as I let myself feel. But I allowed myself to just see what was around me. Admittedly that came with some odd choices, interactions, and reunions along the way. But I’d rather explain “I’m just chilled out and enjoying the atmosphere.” at a wedding than talk about exactly why I haven’t had a drink, danced, or done anything more signature me aside from the poem I read. Sides everyone doesn’t need to know what is going on.

The best and most assuredly my favorite, and most positive result came from it all. I got to see things. I used to have a penchant for getting myself above everything to really know what was going on around me. And while people called it cold, it was how I got myself to this place where you read me here on WDDIJ. I as well as a few other people realized that was disappearing as I seemed to become more and more heat of the experience orientated. And while fun, it was taking away things I need.

So now here I am. Oddly recharged from 2 very fun vacations. Light in the wallet cause those were not cheap vacations at all. And generally better than I was even Wednesday of last week. So why is this titled Back from the brink? Because this wouldn’t be possible if I hadn’t gone where I had mentally. it is in our darker moments we find out how strong we are. I often hear people who would swear they don’t say this make a statement that amounts to they hate it when a friend or family member is not their happy-go-lucky self. I’ve even caught myself saying it.

We have this notion that any stress, strain, sorrow, sadness, or just outright disgust with humanity (or certain humans) is bad. That it should immediately be stamped by overcompensating optimism, partying, strip clubs, or of course positive experiences. What is more rarely dealt with is that sometimes people are far too happy. I don’t mean actual happiness, I mean that happy that borders on manufactured, because (SURPRISE!) it is. Pain is a part of life. And so is not liking the way things are. They are good motivators to get you back to your ambition.

I needed that reminder myself because a lot of mine was going away. When you start wanting to walk away from it all and give up on things to just be another face in the crowd, that’s when you’re really dead, no matter how long your body is alive. And I was far closer than I would care to admit. Not because of you readers. But because there is only so much I have the energy for, and far more to get done. Now that I’m good to go again, don’t worry. The podcasts will be coming off of vacations, same with Weekends Don’t Do It Justice. And as you may have noticed we’re looking for new faces to writer for us here (Write for Words Don’t Do It Justice). So from the metaphorical Brink of this site’s destruction I come charging back. And I’ve brought friends along. And I’m looking for more.

SO you know the deal, share us with your friends. Tell your family. Let your classmates look over your shoulder and check out what we are doing around here. I mean I could tell them all of it but…WORDS DON’T DO IT JUSTICE!

 

– THE Ruthless Wonder

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