So first things first. Yes I’m aware I said Monday, and today is Tuesday. And going into Monday I expected to give you what I said I would. But life got in the way. Social friends know I have been dealing with Bell’s Palsy recently, and that took a turn over the weekend into Monday. There are going to have to be even more changes than originally thought. One of the main ones, well, I’ll save that for who needs to know. Anyway. I spent the day getting through that with time to myself, a lot of prayer, and a ton of just not wanting to talk about anything. Other than when absolutely needed, after I got out of the doctor’s office I didn’t speak. So here I am typing to you. Now off with the sad updates and on to THE Ruthless Wonder.
War Never Changes…
It seems as thought in the interrum of my various departures old posts become increasingly more relevant. And today is no different. Looking back, my pieces on being an ex-nerd, and of course the disparity of black male nerds and black female nerds have become more poignant in their looks inside the sub culture that has become mainstream. So much so that I’m writing this more as an update to them than as a whole cloth new presentation. With basically one eye closed because of MORE FUCKING COMPLICATIONS! Anyway, rage aside, I am well aware I once here described myself as an ex-nerd. And that I found myself in the group of men who have said he has to look for other prospects in dating.
Before you ask, no this will not be a post littered with links to old pieces. I’ll drop a reference list at the bottom, because man that’s like 4 plus years to refer to.
One of the main reasons back then I made both statements was, well main was to get a rise out of you enough to read the piece that followed it. But the actual reason was to smooth the transition into a more nuanced approach to the subject. Regardless of the post as you’ll find by re reading, I was really only getting you primed up about something you might think about me, to get into a deeper issue.
In a similar fashion, when I made my return from NCR territory and the digital wasteland to Words Don’t Do It Justice back in January, I took a more philosophic approach to blogging while using the same tactics for a reason. You seeing me needs a primer. Because a lot of what I talk about will require some science, some social science, some philosophy, and a decent dose of me.
So being back now, it doesn’t bother me when people say things like what has led us here today. Most of the old pieces get misread, or quick glanced, or someone thinks they read something they didn’t. And that especially goes for anything I’ve said about relationships, dating, black women, and nerd culture. Admittedly, we all make mistakes, and If I could have never done a single piece of content with the big blue rapist, EVEN if it meant no content with my friends he swindled into working with him, I would take that back too. My bad folks, we all got fooled. I bring him up for good reason. It is about today’s topic. And you, clearly clever person you are, have realized this is about to be the 3rd intro to the piece.
Man I have never grown to hate a qualification term like this one. I used to think being lumped in as a nerd was rough. This shit is for the birds. I am black, and by old definitions I was nerdy. But I’m going to forcibly separate myself from the very idea that I’m a blerd right the hell now. Look I ain’t with y’all no mo. We done. I’m off that. I’m an ex-nerd arrogant prick super villain in the midst of a existential crisis started by yet another look at my own mortality. I’m black as fuck, but I am not a blerd. Get that off your mind.
Why? Why am I taking my exit off the bus now for a nice walk home? Because y’all are severely out of pocket. Look I could condense this down to just the Donald Glover situation, and I’ll address that today, but consider this my fan club resignation letter. “It’s not me, it is most certainly you.” And all that jazz.
Here’s the deal. I’ve spoken before how much I have an issue with, and take up umbrage with the notion of the black nerd community being in a constant state of self hatred. That the self exclusion in our dating styles is endemic of a larger issue in black and nerd cultures separately. And collectively obviously. This however has gone from my 2014 piece where I said such exclusion seems to lead me to fewer chances to date black women considered nerdy. To a far dangerous, y’all are toxic to us all, status. Why? Because I went looking for opinions and found insanity. Let’s get to Donald before I get to the uncivil war.
Donald Glover is not who you’re really mad at.
Donald Glover’s release of “This is America” should have served as a wake up call for blerd culture and larger than that, Nerd and Black culture worldwide as much as the US. Certainly enough to get that piece of shit Nicole Arbour the fuck outta here with that colonizer parody video. Instead of bringing our collective power, and new found place at the head of pop and mainstream culture, to bash her back into obscurity, YOU started a fight. A fight that fucks us all.
Yes, Donald Glover is having kids with a white woman. Yes it is because he has had repeatedly bad experiences with black women over his life. And that should both not be a surprise, and should not be newsworthy enough for ROOT, GRIOT, BLACK VOICES, MADAM NOIR, VSB, AND NOW WDDIJ think pieces on the reactions. This should not be deep at all. Why? Because the same people complaining for the most part have had similar life experiences.
We talked years ago now about the ubiquity of black nerds having to deal with a different kind of rejection early on that they felt left them alone on an island. Most of it comes down to cultural community rejection because the subject matter is not considered mainstream, and subject community rejection because of cultural group dissimilarity. And if you are over say 27(That means I’m giving you from my senior year to your 5th grade here), and consider/ed yourself a blerd, you’ve dealt with it.
Now let’s hit the facts. You dealt with it because until college you weren’t actually around enough potential social groupings with freedom of access to have a statistically similar enough pairing take place. Getting rid of our usual outliers like kids in advanced academic, specific types of advanced arts creative, or just generally odd secondary education, you didn’t have enough people around. Think of the clubs you had, think of your friend groups, if you had 30 people in an anime group in high school, your school was such an outlier you should have already sent me a “Hey man glad you’re back and I’m with you.” message to (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Reality is you were also most likely in 1 of 2 groups. You either found a very willing and committed partner you stayed with for some time(Color doesn’t matter for this), or perpetually floated in a single, try something out, state until the eye opening college experiences. This is not standard for our younger friends because most of them have benefited from our experience. You were sacrificed on the altar of mainstream so they could sing K-Pop loudly in high school halls with nary a turned head.
So too is the plight of Donald Glover and most other “nerdy” entertainers. Allow yourself a bit of perspective. Step out from your 150 for a second and see the ebb and flow of time with me. 1980 to 2000 is 20 years. 1980 to 1990, the years I’m talking about, is a transitional generation in the midst of a massive worldwide shift. Similar to people born before, during and after the industrial revolution, you are able to have experienced before and after the information revolution. I say that in place of tech revolution for a reason. You like myself know the access to information and like minded people more than any generation of human being before you. And that must be kept in context.
While we have this kind of open power at our fingertips now. While we can easily connect to anything and anyone, we have to take a step back and remember that not only was this not the case, but that mainstream black culture and mainstream nerd culture were hostile environments. Nothing perplexes me like seeing black women who consider themselves nerds to be so bent about the reactions to a fellow nerd telling their truth and being castigated for it. But that isn’t the end of it of course. No the real issue seems to be more about the men defending an old statement from him. So with a quick word about your perspective lets get into that.
Chill with the victim routine
That’s right, I’m calling all these pieces about how “black women didn’t want to date you because,” and “the difference between you and Donald Glover OR Michael B. Jordan” and “The problem with black male nerds” pieces victim culture bullshit. Because they are. The reality is you know full well our people were some of the worst teasers and bullies to smart kids until post urkel when nerd culture slowly got okay. Hell I remember the death of the glasses and high waters nerd stereotype vividly and it wasn’t that long ago.
What these pieces in their earnest attempts to stay with the light speed social culture we live in now missed, never knew, or act like they forgot do is detrimental to the discourse. We cannot solve the actual issues of colorism, and self hatred, or have the much needed Intra-racial conversation about inter-racial dating, without being more genuine and honest about things. A man tells you that women you have never met and will likely never met, were a fundamental part of how he viewed himself during his formative years, and his rise to success, believe him like you do the women saying the same.
A friend said “people don’t make fun of nerds anymore” as the caption to an article they made about this subject and I was very quick to point out that wasn’t always the case and there is a very large segment of the community that had their present mentality shaped in a world that did just that. She didn’t understand. Because for her, she is in that under 26 culture. She is much closer to that collegiate environment of awakening. And she has never worked in the entertainment industry like Glover.
What did he essentially say? He said, “When I wasn’t a household name with fame I was just a random black guy and most women who look like me weren’t interested. When someone was and I was comfortable to be in a relationship, that woman is white. I love her.” Not a big deal for a comedian who once called Armenian girls the black girls of white girls on stage for a taped special. Who once wanted a Kanye and Lady Gaga concert where they played bears like pianos and the bears didn’t eat them. The guy who was so convincing with his take on a black Spiderman they LITERALLY MADE A BLACK SPIDERMAN.
All this from a man making sketches with Derrick Comedy. One thing that troubles me is hypocrisy. A number of women who I care about have stayed out of this matter for good reason, because they get it. But I have heard from others takes that were I am to really talk like normal, I still wouldn’t be talking to them. I have listened to all manner of “black men date ____ women to be hateful to black women” out of ones mouth while also hearing about her love of Latino men to a fetishistic degree.
You can’t expect me to want to defend you when you talk so crazy. SO let’s get into this war a bit deeper. Because this isn’t about Donald, crusty neck beards, or nerd culture. This is about idiots. And this is where the male readers will be just as mad as the female readers. You are both complete DOLTS. Why? Because you can’t take the hint each other is bending over backwards to give.
Black men, Why are you fighting this battle like you fight white people? These women are crying out, “give me nerd man candy” and your response is “get it from the white boys you love?” Fam, Fellas, My Brothers, you are missing opportunity. This should not be about principle. Make a stand, but make it clear you are about the community first. Tell your experience, validate hers, and THEN hit them with logic and call them to action.
Black women, Why are you fighting this battle like you fight white people? These men know and are telling you honestly the emotional impact of the toxic culture towards intellect that they like you grew up in. They are giving you the deeper understanding of themselves you ask for. And your response is to call them all crusty, ugly, socially inept, neckbeards? Pick a struggle first, and then have a conversation. This should not be about winning. Your struggle and their struggle is similar. Calling Black men the White men of black people is demeaning to you and the community at large. Things don’t change like that.
War never changes.
See I can type this and act like I don’t know what this is leading to. I can call out the hate emails like that old days, as well as reference the potential comments that would come from this piece. Someone will say I’m a traitor. Someone will say I hate black women. Someone will claim I only date white women. Someone will go to tired old insults like fat, dark, injured, loud, abrasive, problematic, or a bunch of other insults that have lost all meaning when you don’t have anything else but that to say.
In fact, I can tell you that is coming and still laugh, well metaphorically still laugh, when they do. Because this is a divisive tactic by people outside your community. Remember how easily we all went to go see Black Panther and got crazily into cosplaying for a weekend? And remember how in the middle of that people started demanding you see A wrinkle in time for the same thing? Remember how it didn’t get 13 WEEKS in the top 10 like BP? Because the movie wasn’t as good. And all of you saw it wasn’t a black men vs. black women thing, but instead just a good outing by one director and stars, vs. a subpar one by the other.
So why is this so different? Why is this so special? Because you have an attachment to your pain so much you want to invalidate others. Which is on both sets of y’all. For people so into the need to work through the sensitive nature of former life struggles in order to be healthy, you don’t let anyone have a past. Not these celebrities, well save Serena and Eve, but whatever, and not each other. I mean this is longer than a rant, and much longer than most pieces at this point. But let me just say the double standards are kind of appalling. And that’s before we get to all the wolves in sheep’s clothing. You know, the male feminists, the PUAs, the red pill guys, the anti-incel crowd, and hell this entirely weird discussion of Chance the Rapper’s actions the last two weeks.
So really the only thing you all seem unable to do is let each other be flawed humans. Because you are flawed humans. Make no mistake, everything I talked about here is about dealing with the flawed logic that everyone who we interact with should be so perfectly into a cultural or social community that it is a clear example of the “No True Scotmans” fallacy. There is a reason this has been littered with profanity, references to old posts and inside jokes, as well as that reference to the blue rapist. Because there are people who should be ostracized and removed from the community. Who deserve to be cast aside. But that’s nothing to do with the cultural community of their partners. And everything to do with the actions of them and that partner.
That said, I’m still out on y’all. My point is proven, but if this disproportionate attack on each other based on someone doing something positive is going to continue I can’t stay in. Dave Chappelle’s wife is Asian, Donald Glover’s children’s mother is white. Serena is having a baby with a white man, Tracee Ellis Ross’s father is Jewish. Colin Kaepernick, and Barack Obama’s Mothers are white. That has no impact on any of their commitment to the plight of black people. And their decision on who to have children with is simply that, THEIRS. It is personal. The sweeping generalizations, name calling, and toweringly nauseating hyperbole are the tactics of the same people you all say you had to overcome, and collectively hate. So why become your enemy? What in you makes these necessary? I can’t figure it out for you. So until you do that I’m going to chill because… Words Don’t Do It Justice!
~THE Ruthless Wonder
Ref: Today’s piece contained multiple former posts as a reference. Below is a partial list. Peace Love and LUCRÉMO!